Day 26: 31 Days of Mom Prayers

Have you ever had those moments as a mom and as a wife that you just feel, well...inadequate and completely exhausted?  I feel it...ALL.THE.TIME (at least it seems like all the time).


I've been studying the Proverbs 31 woman lately, and I found myself wondering the other day if that woman ever rested? I mean AMEN, or AMEN?  Did she ever get a break?  Did she ever want a break?  I cannot tell you how many times during the day that I just call out to the Lord and ask Him to simply breath energy into my being; to bring a spirit of humility and patience to my soul; to bring clarity and organization into the never-ending chaos.

So praise be the King of Kings that He hears us!

These are the simple reasons why today's 31 favorite is from Girl with Blog:  31 Days of Mom Prayers. 

This series is so dear to my heart because it seems like I'm so often praying these exact words.  And I say "forget 31 days", we need these prayers every day! 

Thankful Thursday

I guess I've started a new weekly tradition of Thankful Thursday.  Of course anyone is welcome to join in and link back if you want to.

I won't lie that it was hard to write today's post when so many others are wrenched in heartache and left with total devastation from tornadoes and severe weather.  My heart is grieving for those that lost homes, treasures possession, and loved ones.  I've had such a heavy heart the past few days reading story after story about death, devastation and destruction; yet it is because of seeing all of that devastation that I am thankful for the Body of Christ.

Its the Body of Christ that stretches out their arms to embrace us in times of trouble; its the Body of Christ that comes to aide those in need; its the Body of Christ that feed the hungry when the storms have blown away all we've ever known.  The Body of Christ are the faithful ones who bow on bended knee covering the rest of the body in prayer.  They see you through the good times and the bad, and lend a helping hand whenever they see the need.  Its the Body of Christ that comes together giving time and money and hugs of hope after the storms of life pass through.

In almost every story I've read in the past few days, the Body of Christ has poured out love on strangers and prayed words of hope over fellow believers and non-believers alike.  They have laid hands on the wounded, and sat in hospital rooms with families.

Today I am thankful that each part of the Body has a purpose, and when one party of the body suffers the rest of the body suffers; and when one part rejoices, we all rejoice (1 Cor 12:26).  Today we are all suffering with those who lost and are devastated, but I know that one day soon we will all rejoice in seeing God's hand at work.

What are you thankful for today?

Prayer Life

Beth Moore tweeted something this morning that really got me thinking:

"Some things just flat-out aren't going to happen if we don't get our tails up and pray with faith, courage, passion, and confidence.  As the saying goes, we can't keep doing the same thing the same way and expect something different. Let's press in to a new level of prayer."

I literally reread this tweet over and over and over again.  She might as well just have put @awilliams0720 in the beginning and spoke these words straight to me because I NEEDED to hear this!  For some reason I guess it's never occurred to me that praying for the same thing in the same way over and over again, but expecting different results could be a "problem area" in my prayer life.  Then, the question came to mind "What is my prayer life even like?"

Let me completely pen and transparent here:  I pray, I believe in prayer, but do I have a prayer "life"?  What does a prayer LIFE look like?  Sadly, when I begin to actually dwell on it and ponder my prayer "life" I just see the occasional "bless this food" and "Lord help me to..." kind of prayers.  So if this is my prayer LIFE, why would I EVER expect for things to be different in my life?  

On the flip side, I did get a glimpse of what a true prayer life if like about 3 months.  Brant had applied for a new job.  One that would have moved our family to a different state, and one that he desperately wanted.  He got pretty far into the interview process and it really looked as if we could be moving.  From the day of his first interview and for the next month, I felt like we both immersed ourselves (morning, noon and night) into prayer for the Lord's will to happen - not our's.  It seemed that when our whole future was up in the air, a peace that passes all understanding still prevailed.  I remember telling Brant one day that I was feeling a peace and presence in my life that I simply could not understand.  It was incredible.  

And now, I look back on that few months and wonder what happened?  And sadly, I know what happened. 

I stopped.

I stopped immersing my life in prayer. I stopped seeking His will and praying for His will.  I went back to "my" normal.  

But I don't want my normal anymore.  I want my normal to be a life that seeks His way everyday; a life that runs after Him; a life that moves only toward Him.  

So today is the beginning of a new adventure - one that uses Him as my guide and uses His lamp to light my path.  I want to pray with courage, and passion, and confidence that He will do great things.  He is the author and perfecter of my life, so I will cover every inch of my life and prayer and seek the Holy Spirit who lives within me.  This is what I want!  This is a prayer life!  This is what I will start TODAY!

And then you Grieve

This morning I had no idea what to blog about.  It's November Blogfest (a commitment to blog everyday) and I like when my blog posts are happy, but today is not a happy day.  Today I just feel like grieving.

I am a firm believer that God gives everyone spiritual gifts.  They all have their pros and sometimes they have their cons, but its true that we all have them.  I have always had the give of mercy and compassion.  I have loved having this gift in working with teens.  Heck, I first started teaching high school girls all because I was a youth camp counselor.  One the last night - "decision night" - there was a group of junior girls who were huddled around on the floor together crying and praying.  The camp speaker, Jarrell Altic, came over to me and asked me if those girls were in my group and I said "no", but they were from my church.  And he looked me in the eyes and said "You need to counsel them."   

It was that night when I truly "embraced" the gift of mercy and compassion, and have sought to use that gift ever since.  I love people and when people are hurting, I hurt with them.  And it seems that in the past few months, my heart has been hurting for so many. 

If you have ever read Jamsie Beats the Tumor then you have probably cried out for this family.  Their 8 month old son died of a brain tumor in July.  I hate reading the blog because I can't stand the thought of this happening to me, but I hurt for Kara, the mother.  My heart is broken for her.  Some days I just want to drive to her house (only because she lives in Dallas) and hold her and cry with her.  

Then there is a friend of mine from high school.  We went to high school and church together.  He and his wife Lindsay were high school sweethearts.  I knew Lindsay and her sister, Devon.   I remember getting to know them at youth camp and remember how beautiful the love was between Gabe and Lindsay way.  They eventually got married and had two boys, Brody and Cash.  This past August, Lindsay past away due to complications with pneumonia.  Gabe is left to raise his two boys (3 and 11 months at the time) alone without his high school sweetheart.  Gabe started a blog called Part of the Miracle and every time I read his posts my heart breaks for him.  I have cried for him and for those sweet boys who will grow up without their momma. 

Then today, I learned about Natalie.  Natalie was one of the church secretaries where I used to go to church.  She was one of the sweetest people I have ever met with the biggest, brightest smile.  Natalie and her husband were expecting their first baby - a girl - any day now.  But the Lord had other plans and decided that sweet baby needed to be in Heaven.  Last night Natalie had to deliver her daughter; a daughter who didn't have a heartbeat.  So today I, again, feel completely broken.  I have cried tears for this family who lost their first child.  I can only imagine how their celebration and anticipation turned to brokenness and despair. 

I look at pictures of my daughter and I cry.  I cry because I am so thankful because she is here and healthy; but I cry because I wish so badly that others had the ones they love here and healthy.  I cry for the mommas whos' arms ache to hold their babies; I cry for a father who's arms long to hold his wife; I cry for children who cry out in the night for their mom to come and rock them back to sleep. 

So today I write this post and beg for your mercy; for your prayers.  Will you please pray for these families?  Will you pray that the Lord will rain down His peace and comfort on these families?  Will you pray for these mommas who cry for their babies?  Will you pray for a daddy who tries to explain why momma isn't here anymore?  I know I am  - the mercy in me is crying out to my Savior to heal hearts and brokenness.

Total Devastation

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook then you probably know that my family lost some land in wildfires that are raging rapidly in Texas.  There is a resort community in this area called The Cliffs.  My mom and dad own land here, as well as timeshare in the condos. 

Here is a video from one of our local news channels, WFAAS Channel 8.  This was the footage taken lst night from the wildfires.  You will see that they talk about some apratments that were engulfed in the flames, well these are actually the condos we stay in.  You will see the firetruck backing into a cul-de-sac - well mom and dad's land is the left corner of the cul-de-sac.  So this video shows us our worst fear - the land that my parents were set to build their retirement home on, and the condos where we have learned to love as a 2nd home are gone. 



If you read this post from a few weeks ago then you know that we were just here.  It was a mini-vacation to a place that we love to go.  The pictures and video of Emmalee laughing were taken inside the very condo that is now ash.  The picture of Emmalee and my mom was taken right in front of their land - land that is now charred and burned. 

But today we are also thankful - we are thankful that we didn't lose a home or lose precious possessions like many others lost yesterday.  But we are also spending the day in prayer for those that have lose everything and those that do live in the community.  We pray that the fires are put out quickly and that the homes currenlty threatened are saved.

Begging for Your Prayers

This morning I write begging you for your prayers. I found this blog yesterday from a prayer request on Twitter. This sweet couple prayed for a precious child and their prayers were finally answer, only have a tumor invade their child's body. Today, they take their child home to surround him with love the last days of his life.

As a mother, I sit here in tears this morning - my heart breaking in pieces for this mother and father. I honestly cannot imagine the pain and heartbreak they are feeling. I look at my sweet sleeping daughter and can't saying goodbye to her. Seeing her sweet grin while she sleeps makes my heart swell with joy, but I cannot fathom being this mother knowing that the smile you see may be the last.

So pray with me. Pray that this family has complete peace and comfort. Pray that they are surround with family, love and support. Pray that this sweet baby feels no pain, but that he goes to the arms of his Creator peacefully.

When You Don't Know What to Say

Have you ever been in a situation where you just didn't know what to say? I feel like that is the title of this chapter in my life right now - Shut Your Mouth, or Insert Your Foot!

There have been times lately where I will see someone who I know is hurting or going through a dark place in life, but I find it so hard to speak to them in fear that I might say something wrong. What if I bring back the pain of losing a loved one; or what if I spur on the tears of sorrow? The hard part for me is that I am talker. I love to encourage people and make them feel good, but what if you have no clue how to encourage them?

My parents have good friends that recently lost their youngest son at the age of 20. We saw them on Monday to watch fireworks at my parents house. What do I say to these grieving parents as I "ohh and ahh" over my sweet child?

At my office, there is a girl named...well, let's just call her "S". S and I were pregnant at the same time; she was due just a month after I was. S is a single girl in her mid 20's - no boyfriend, lives alone - but made some bad choices one night that changed the rest of her life. Almost immediately after finding out that she was pregnant after a one-night stand, she decided that she would give her baby up for adoption. Although I could never fathom giving up my child, I also had tremendous admiration for her and her ability to know that by giving up this child, they would be raised in a world far better than what she could supply.

We used to talk and compare our pregnancies all the time. It was just the status quo between us - it was also the only topic we ever talked about because she and I have nothing else in common. S had hoped that she would have a fast, easy delivery and would then get back to life, or at least try her hardest to resume life as she knew it. But that didn't happen for her. She spent 36 miserable hours in labor, ended up having an emergency c-section, and was sent home to recuperate without her daughter. All the while I was at home having the time of life with Emmalee after a very fast and easy delivery.

S came back to work just one week after I did although she had only been out 5 weeks and I was out 8. Today, we see each other walk down the hall and smile. We might say "Hi", but that is the extent of our conversation. I feel horrible because we used to talk and conversate, but today we just seem to be polite. The problem is...I don't know what to say. Does she even want me to say anything at all? Does she think of her daughter when she sees me? Do her heart ache when she looks down to see her flat tummy? I don't know, and I'm too afraid to ask.

So as of now, I simply pray because its all I know to do. I pray for John and Sharon as their grieve the loss of their son. I pray for S because I hope that she is comforted and that her heart is lifted even when the tears stream down her face. I pray because I know our God is bigger and our God is stronger...for if He is for us, then who can stand against us?

Pregnancy Update - 32 Weeks

I can't believe there is only 8 more weeks until Emmalee Caroline is here!

This is a really bad picture of me, but a really good picture of how big my belly is!

Brant and I had another sonogram this morning to check on her growth. Well the Lord definitely heard our cries because this baby girl is growing so well that they are not probably not even going to have a 36 weeks sonogram as originally planned!

• Size of the baby: As of today's sonogram, she is 4 lbs, 6 oz!!!! Definitely bigger than average, but only 16.8" long, which is right on target! Growth is no issue here!!! (And FYI, BabyCenter.com says the 32 wk avg. weight is only 3.75 lbs!)
• Total weight loss/gain: 28 lbs - but only 2lbs in the past month!
• Maternity clothes: YEP! My clothing options are becoming more and more limited!
• Gender: It's a Girl! Emmalee Caroline Williams
• Movement: Yes! Not only can I feel her move, but you can watch her!
• Sleep: Starting to get difficult. I get up more often and its more difficult to get comfortable at night.
• What I miss: Being about to move around freely - I can't bend down very well, I seem to literally roll myself out of bed, and it is getting more and more difficult to do the everyday tasks!
• Cravings: Not really craving anything.

I cannot tell you how relieved Brant and I were this morning to hear that Emmalee is growing so well. So since we know that she is already 4 lbs, 6 oz., anyone want to take any guesses on what her birth weight will be????? My guess is 8 lbs, 10 oz.

Her room is almost finished! I'm going to Canton on Saturday with Sister and I hope that I get everything I need to finish her room while I'm there. I promise to post pictures as soon as its all ready!

Urgent Prayer Request

A friend of mine, Ashley Patterson, posted this urgent prayer request on her blog this morning.

"Is this one of the sweetest faces you've ever seen? This is Sullivan. his mommy, Kristie, sits at my MOPS table twice a month and also goes to our church. He is 2 years old and last week his parents took him to the dr. because he was having trouble with his vision. They immediately sent him to Children's Hospital and since then have found 4 malignant tumors in his little body. he has a rare type of cancer called alveolar rhabdomyosarcoma. He can't see right now and only wants his mommy to hold him because that is his only comfort right now. It just breaks my heart. He has an older brother who doesn't understand what is going on right now either. Please add them to your prayer list as they begin radiation soon because chemo is not an option at this time. they are all physically and emotionally exhausted but are trusting in God as best they can. I just can't imagine. Please visit their caringbridge site with more updates.

I can't imagine what this family is going through at this time. Please pray for the healing of this baby boy, for his parents to be comforted, and for his doctors to have wisdom and knowledge of how to treat this disease.

Praying for Growth

Today, Brant and I had another sonogram of Ms. Emmalee Caroline. Originally they were fearful that I might have placenta previa, but thankfully, the placenta has moved up its position and is no longer a concern.

They did, however, determine one other area of concern. Most babies have 3 blood vessels in the umbilical cord. Emmalee only has 2. We were told that most often, this would accompany a birth defect or problem; however, Emmalee is showing no signs of any birth defect. The doctor assured Brant and I that if there were a defect present, we would already see it on the sonogram - and her sonograms look great! The doctor is hoping that this is just an anatomical variant - basically, a freak thing, but that Emmalee will be fine. However, some studies show that a 2-vessel cord, without any other defect present, can affect the baby's growth. As of today, Emmalee is growing wonderfully - completely on target. However, knowing that the most crucial development is toward the end, they will be monitoring her growth very carefully from here on out. If at 36 weeks, she is low on the growth scale, they will induce labor at that time.

It's almost funny - I have been so worried throughout my pregnancy about something happening to her. I feel like I waited and prayed for so long, that this sweet baby girl is just too good to be true. Well today the Lord certainly reminded me that He is still in control and that just because she is in my womb, that does not mean she is mine yet...she is still, and will always be, His child.

So today, Brant and I, again, placed full trust in the Lord, knowing that He will knit her little body together exactly as it needs to be - after all, He is her creator. We pray that she continues to grow and develop, and, whether delivered pre-term or not, that she is a strong, healthy baby.

This is a close-up of our sweet baby girl's face this morning.

Emotions

So ever since I found out that I was expecting, I have been a ball of emotions. Of course when there were two lines of the first pregnancy test (yes, I said first because there were three), I cried uncontrollably. But I've also been scared, nervous, anxious...almost any emotion you can think of.

I found out that I was pregnant on a Friday night, August 20th to be exact. I was so excited to be able to call my Dr's office Monday morning, but I was also scared to death...what if they told me it was all in my head. Lynn, my nurse (who is amazing) told me to come in and do the blood test. She called me Tuesday and said my HCG was over 2000 - I was definitely pregnant. Again, I cried. I was just elated.

She scheduled us to come in for our first sonogram the following Friday because she knew I was flying out to NY for a few weeks and she wanted to give us peace of mind before I left. That Friday my stomach was in knots. I just knew that there wasn't going to be a heartbeat, or that something was just going to be wrong. But I was wrong...there was the most beautiful sound...a heartbeat. Not just beating, but beating strong. As soon as we heard it, tears just streamed down my face with the realization that God really had created this little miracle. This wasn't all in my head!

But I still worry; I still feel anxious that something will go wrong. I think these feelings come from the fact that just a month before I got pregnant, God and I had a big talk. I told him that I was ok with whatever path He had for us; whether we would have a child of our own, or adopt, or even foster. I was ok it. If He would lead us, then we would follow. I had accepted that I may never be the one to see a positive pregnancy test; I may never be the one to say "I'm pregnant".... and I was ok with that. Then, to my surprise, I got to see and do both of these things...I saw two lines; I got to tell Brant "I am pregnant". But these were two things that I had waited so long to do, that I didn't believe them and I just "knew" the bad was coming.

I talked with Brant and Sister about it; both people reminded me of the same thing: God is sovereign. He has already written this baby's story and whatever His plan is, then that is what will happen - whether I worry about it or not. The only thing I can do is this: pray! I pray for this baby so many times a day - I pray for its health that it will grow healthy and strong; I pray for its heart - that it will love unconditionally; I pray for its salvation - that it will know the Lord at a young age and have a passion for Him; I just pray.

We're Soon to Be...

So many have prayed us through the past 2 years;
Through struggles and trials, heartaches and tears;

We've had good days and bad days, toils and snares;
But God has been faithful and answered our prayers;

Our hearts are blessed, filled with wonder and glee;
The Williams family of 2 will soon become 3!!!

Brant and I are so excited about this little one who will make their debut in April, 2011. We are in awe of the Lord right now. He has been faithful every step of the way and we are simply in awe.

This is a picture of our first sonogram (at only 6w4d)...I am 8 weeks now) so there isn't much to see, but it still amazes us every time we look at it.
On the day this sonogram was taken, we were able to hear the sweetest heartbeat...it was literally music to our ears. This little heart was beating strong at 114 beat/minute and the dr. says that everything looks fantastic!

For those of you who already know and have asked, I am feeling pretty good. I had a stomach bug last week that was not fun, but once it passed, things have been good ever since. I have a little bit of nausea every now and then, have no appetite and nothing ever sounds good to eat...but don't worry, I'm forcing it down anyways.

To those who have been so fervently praying for us, words cannot express what your prayers have meant. For the past 2 years, they have kept us going. Saying "thank you" just doesn't seem like enough; but I say with all of my heart...Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Anointed, Transformed, and Redeemed

The past few months, I have been involved in a Bible Study on Anointed, Transformed and Redeemed. This amazing study is on the life, the anointing, the sin, and the greatness of David, a man after God's own heart.

Toward the beginning of the study, one of the days of homework, the question was asked what journey we were on that we never thought we would have to travel. It was that night that I finally opened up to these ladies about our struggle to have a baby, because you see, this is a road that I never thought I would travel. Last night was our final session and we talked about the greatest impact that the study had had on our lives. And what I was able to share is simply this:

David was anointed by God at a young age - there were roads that he had to travel in order to become the great king that God ordained him to be. He sinned - he stumbled - he failed - but God was always faithful and His plan WAS perfect.

I think this had such an impact on me simply because I have gotten to the point where I remind myself daily that His plan is perfect...his timing is not my own.

I was emailing with Ashley the other day - she is the sister-in-law of a dear friend who has also gone through the battle of infertility, but now has two precious little boys. And I was explaining to Ashley in my email that the longer this battle goes on, the more and more frequent the "bad" days seems to come. At first, I would only get emotional and break down maybe once every 3-4 months...but now it almost seems as if its one every week. So I was worried that I was being ridiculous...but she assured me I wasn't...I was simply being a woman. I am to the point where I fully trust God's plan, but I just pray that he could make my life a movie and give me just a glimpse of the future...just let me push the fast-forward button so that I know what is to come and I can look forward to that day.

You see, in the past few months, I have struggled with wondering if my problems with infertility were punishment for past sins - I have been battling Satan on a daily basis with one. But then I remember David - he waited so long to king and all roads traveled to get to that point were so important. He sinned too! So maybe I am on this road for a reason far greater than I realize. Maybe God is opening door that I don't even know about...maybe its for a greater purpose.

Then today, I was reading Caroline's blog. I had the joy of going to DBU and actually having a few classes with Caroline and I must tell you that I have never met a young woman as true and faithful to the Lord than Caroline Hughes. Well today, she posted a video and it was of herself sharing some of the things that she had recently learned and by the end of the video I was in tears. You see, Caroline made one statement that struck my heart with such conviction - "What if my loss is all for glory's gain?" And this statement had me on my knees - and yes, while I was at work! But on my knees because she made me ask myself - if I could never be a mother but was chosen for something else, would I be ok with that? Would I be ok if God made me barren but gained glory from it?

If you have a moment, go watch Caroline's video here. I hope that your heart is spoken to just like mine was. What if your loss was glory's gain? Would you be okay with it?

And just for the record, I have an amazing husband who lets me have all the meltdowns I need to - who hold me and comforts me and lovingly reminds me that God's plan is better than ours. So my prayer today is simply that I will be still and wait on the Lord - I pray that He gains all the glory in whatever plan he has for me, for Brant, and our family.

Praying for the King

UPDATE!!!!

Well the king does not have Meningitis...PRAISE THE LORD. However, he does have an Acute Viral Infection. So the doctors doped him up and he should be home and resting soon.



If you have visited Sister's blog lately, you might see that she has done some changing and now, she is "Raising Royalty." Herself being referred to as the Queen Mother, and her hubs is the King!

Well last night, she called and was taking the king to the ER because he had not been feeling well for several days and had a debilitating headache for multiple days. Nothing seemed to help, she she took him their friend who is a dr. He was concerned that the kind might have meningitis, but could not confirm. He was given an extremely high dose of anti-inflammatory to help with the pain.

I do not have a ton of details, but apparently, he is not doing much better. I just received a text from Sister saying they were at the ER again, and doing a lumbar puncture to drain some fluids from the body.

So I write asking you to pray for the king and queen, and their four children. The Princess's 5th birthday is tomorrow and it would break her heart if her daddy were sick or in the hospital. Please pray that he begins to feel better soon, and that Sister and the kiddos have a peace about the situation.

I will post updates as I get them.

Party with Jesus

I'm terribly sorry it has taken me so long to post. Brant and I have been staying with my MeMe this week and she doesn't have Internet or I would have posted much sooner.

First all, thank you for the several of you who emailed and asked about Brant''s grandfather. We have felt you prayers, and although it has been a difficult week, the Lord has been very near and present every step of the way.

However, on Tuesday morning, Grandaddy began his "party with Jesus", as Brant called it. An MRI on Monday showed that he had broken his neck and spinal cord, as well as crushed the C3, 4, and 5 discs on the spine. These are the discs that control your diaphram, and it told us that he would never be able to breath on his own again. We also found out that Grandaddy was paralyzed.

Grandaddy had a very strong desire to not have any heroic measures to keep him living. Ever since the day I met him, I have known about his desire to be in heaven with the love of his life, Irene and his Father. Every person at his bedside knew that he would never want to continue on living in a vegetative and paralytic state. After a very rough night on Monday, his heart rate and blood pressure could not be maintained and were dipping very low. So the decision was made to let him go be with the two people he loved most: his savior and his beautiful bride.

We gathered by his bedside, prayed and sang of him as we watched him leave this earth. It was heartbreaking and one of the hardest things I have ever done in all my life. But as sad as the day was, I can tell you that there was joy and an incredible peace in his hospital room. We knew that he was dancing with his wife and singing praises to his Lord.

Tomorrow, we will lay Tommie Bonner Stretch to rest. I can honestly say that I have never heard so many people describe someone as "a very special, Godly man." I have heard stories about a man that I wish I could have known longer. For the past 4 years he has treated me as one of his own grandchildren and I have loved him dearly. Pray for Brant's family tomorrow as they say one last "good-bye" to a father, a grandfather, a friend, and a mentor. This has been such a difficult journey, and we know that it is not over. There will be many more tears and days of sorrow, but we know that we will see him again.

Prayer Warriors...Please, Please Pray

Brant just received a phone call that his Grandaddy was just in a very serious car accident. Kristi, Brant's sister, said that all we know right now is that his car flipped over on the way home from church and that he has severe head and neck injuries. They are CareFlight'ing him to LSU Medical Center (he lives in a small town called Mendon, LA).

Grandaddy has been an incredible mentor and role model from Brant. Of all people my husband knows, no person has changed his life like his grandfather. The picture above, if you couldn't tell, is Brant, his mother and Grandaddy on the day of our wedding.

Please pray for that the Lord's will is done. Although we want Grandaddy to make a full recovery and life many more years, we also know that the situation if very serious. Pray for our family and that decisions can be make with the love and understanding.

Pray

Also be in prayer for Stellan today. He was taken into surgery this morning.

Defeated...

...that's how I feel today. I have felt this way for some time today, but was never able to put a word to the feeling until a few minutes ago.

It was five minutes ago that I had to stop working, put my head down, clothes my eyes, and whisper "Lord, why do I feel so ..... defeated today?" But you want to know the great thing about our God...he quietly whispered back... and I am not defeated because HE IS ALIVE!

Yes, Easter has already come and gone, but my God is ALIVE...He ALWAYS has been and He FOREVER will be! Therefore, I am never defeated and never alone.

But there are those days, like today, where I just feel sad, mellow, indifferent...defeated.

The day seemed to start off fine...I got up at 5:30, had a great workout and headed to work. This morning work was even fine...I have plenty to do and got busy as soon as I walked in the door. But late in the morning, some of my co-workers came around to tease me. Now, I don't mine a little teasing, and it actually all started on Monday. "A" said a word that I hate and I made an ugly face at him - teasing him that is. Then he asked me why I made that face and I told him that I hated that word. So then everyone else started to say that word just because I said that I hated it - to get my goat (as we say down here in Texas). Now all of this was fine with me because it lasted a few minutes, then it was dropped.

But today, the teasing was them trying to get me to say this word...a word that I hate with all of my being...a word that I cringe at when I hear...a word that literally hurts my ears. My co-workers literally had me red in the face because they were doing anything they could to make me say this word.

Now if you are wondering...No, I never said this word, and I actually voiced my thoughts on the word and told them why I hate the word; but nevertheless, the teasing went on.

Although this may not sound like a big deal to you, I simply cannot describe to you in words how I felt after this. I felt like screaming at each one of them because they claim to Christians but talk about sleeping around (only one of them is married), and they cuss like sailors; drink until they can't remember what they were doing; yet sing in the church choir on Sunday morning.

So I defeated because I am a minority in the workplace. I am one who *tries* not to let the secular world get to me, and *tries* not to be a party to it. Yet, I wonder if I am being a hypocrite because yes, I have been in their shoes before.

Satan has attacked me today. He has pushed every button he knows of, and I feel like it is beginning to work...I am feeling defeated.

Defeated because we desperately want to start our family.

Defeated because life just isn't what I want it to be right now.

But I stand the Word that says my God is ALIVE and I will never be defeated because

"He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. "

Psalm 91:4

Finally Friday

Yes, it is Good Friday, but it is also the last day of the work week, therefore, Finally Friday! The best part for Fridays is that it is my weigh in day and I yes, I look forward to seeing the progress. Today's weight in shows............

DRUM ROLL PLEASE...................







"T" MINUS 4.8 LBS!!!!!!!!!
Meaning, I lost 1.6 this week!

I was pumped! In two weeks, I have managed to lose ALMOST 5 pounds! YEA!!!!!



On another topic, its Good Friday. I had a thought this morning - I remember this exact day last year when I was randomly reading people's blogs. I somehow ran across a lady's (whose blog I had never read before) post and the first line said something like this...

"Today is Good Friday and I'm not really sure what is so good about today...I think it has something to do with Jesus or something....but its great for me because it gave me the day off."

The moment I read that, my heart sank for this woman. Her picture made her look like she was in her late 20's, early 30's, and she looked like someone I could have been friends with...a nice smile, friendly eyes, and a precious baby girl on her hip. But then I thought to myself that if I had been friends with her, then she would definitely know what Good Friday meant because I would have told her...but then I stopped...how would I have known that she didn't know unless I had asked her????

At that very moment, I began making a mental list of how many people that I KNEW understood the meaning of Good Friday, and of my friends, the list was small (at least compared to the amount of friends I have...not saying that I have a ton of friends, but just saying that they weren't all on the list) and it broke my heart.

How many friends do I have that I have never shared the Gospel with, or that I have just assumed they knew the Truth?

As someone who is passionate about her friendships, it makes me sad that I might have never shared with them the great Trust of our salvation.

Last year on that day, I left that lady a comment, though I never heard back from. I told her the meaning of Good Friday and tried my hardest (in a Blogger Comment space) to explain the Love of our Heavenly Father and that on that day, our Lord allowed His one and only Son to die for her...for all of us...to save us.

My good friend of mine sent me an email the other day and was telling me about how the Lord was dealing with her about her friendships and trying to mold her into a better friend to people...she was trying to truly be passionate about her friendships and be a light to the people she loved. It was funny that she sent this email only because I have felt the same may for much of the past year largely because of this lady, whose blog I randomly found.

So today, I remember the sacrifice my Jesus made for me, and I pray that I may have the courage to share it with everyone I know so that I KNOW my friends KNOW!

Prayer Warriors

I was just reading Kelly's Korner this morning and clicked on the link at the bottom. This precious family is letting go of their daughter, Gracie, today. Please pray for them, their heartache, their sorrow, their three other children that today, had to say "goodbye" to their baby sister. My heart is just aching for them.