One Week

One week.   7 days.  168 Hours.   10,080 minutes. 

That is how long it’s been since I found out that the precious baby inside of me had stopped growing.  There was no heartbeat.  There was nothing but silence.  The tears fell from my eyes as my heart was breaking.  I stared at the ultrasound monitor and quickly tried to memorize every detail of the outline on the screen.  As the ultrasound technician left to room to go get my doctor, I whispered to that sweet baby how desperately I had wanted him, or her; how much I loved him; how much daddy love him; how excited his sisters were to hold him; how precious he was.  And then I told my baby goodbye. 

Our journey started on September 13^th.  It was the day after Madeline’s 2^nd birthday party.  There had been a few things that just seemed “off,” so I decided to take a pregnancy test.  I knew it would be negative because Brant and I had decided months before that we were happy with two children, so we were preventing “things” from happening.  We thought we were good with two, and if God had different plans then He would have to work a miracle.  So you can imagine my shock when I took that pregnancy test and saw that God had decided to do just that – work a miracle. 

I was in complete disbelief and went straight to Brant.  His smile was priceless.  I remember saying to him “But this wasn’t the plan.”  And his response:  “You’re right, this wasn’t our plan.  But I am so happy.”  

From that moment on excitement filled our home.  The thought of a new baby in my arms was euphoric.  We waited some time before telling the girls, but as the days and weeks passed I began to experience the morning sickness, and nausea, and fatigue, and food aversions – all the “fun” first trimester brings.  So we explained to them that there was a baby in mommy's belly and they were going to have a little brother or sister.

Our first sonogram was on October 7^th.  I was 8 weeks and 5 day into my pregnancy.  I was prepared to see a growing baby and strong heartbeat.  But what we saw was a very small baby.  Mother’s instinct kicked in and I knew God had a different plan than what we had hoped for.  But I tried to remain positive.  We heard a beautiful strong heartbeat of 134 beats/min.  As the ultrasound was coming to a close, I asked the technician if I could hear that heartbeat one more time.  Something in me knew those final beats would be the last that I heard and I savored every moment of them.  Based on the size of the baby’s growth, my due date was moved back 16 days, but I assured my doctor I knew my dates – and the “new” due date was wrong.  He told me to focus on the positive – there was a heartbeat.  

The new few days I cried often simply because I knew something was going to happen.  I told Brant my fears, and he tried to calm them in every way he knew how.  I begged God for a different outcome, but promised that I would praise His name no matter what.  

Finally on October 21^st, at 10 weeks, I knew in my innermost being that my baby no longer had a heartbeat.  I can’t explain how or why I knew – I just did.  I called my doctor’s office and told them that I needed them to see me.  And they did.  I told the ultrasound technician exactly what I thought the ultrasound would show.  She had such compassion and tenderness as she confirmed my fears.  That was one week ago today. 

It has been a hard week.  Explaining to the girls was hard, but we promised them that we will see our baby again in heaven – Jesus is just going to hold our baby until we get there.  Emmalee has often prayed and asked Jesus to “take good care of our baby.”  It brings tears to my eyes every time.  But through it all I will still praise His name.  He is the God who breathes life into the lifeless, and HE gives hope to the hopeless. He gives and He takes away.  He is my strength, and my comforter, and my strong tower.  He has held us in the palm of His victorious hand and showered us with peace.

 

Days like today are hard.  I keep thinking about the “what ifs.”  But Heaven is the only home my sweet baby will ever know, and in that I WILL REJOICE!  What better arms to hold my child than the arms of Christ the King? 

Life Lately

Its really sad when you realize its been 6 MONTHS since your last blog post.  Clearly I'm been busy and preoccupied with other things, sorry.  But if you want a glimpse into out life lately, here goes.

In February we put our house on the market the day of one of the biggest ice storms this are has seen in years and had 5 offers in less than 24 hours!  It was crazy.  We luckily found a house that fit our needs perfectly - in the same neighborhood, but just a little bigger and more room for our girls to grown. 

Goodbye Yarmouth Lane

It was incredibly bittersweet to say "goodbye" to this little house.  We came home from our honeymoon to this house; we brought our children home from the hospital to this house; we learned to truly love each other in the house; we learned what marriage looks like in this house; we built the foundations of our family in this house.

But it was time for a new chapter.  On March 31st, we said...

Hello Spyglass Drive

We absolutely LOVE our new home! Its about 700 sq ft larger, but that 700 makes an incredible difference.  My new kitchen isn't a big as my other one, but it its nice and open.  It is definitely a gather spot, and I love it.  There is nothing better than cooking dinner for your family while your husband and children sit at the breakfast bar coloring and telling you all about their day.  One huge perk is that our property backs up to the golf course.  Our yard is smaller, but it feels enormous because its green as far as you can see!  I snapped this one Sunday morning while I was drinking my coffee on the back patio.  Its so much fun watching all of the golfers.

 

We've also been incredibly blessed with great neighbors.  We have already become close friends with several of them, and are so excited that there are children around our girls' ages.  Emmalee is usually off to play with her new friends as soon as we pull into the driveway.  

And Maddie has a sweet new friend, Olivia.  She screams for "Livi" as soon as we get home.  I have a feeling that these two might be inseparable as they grown up, and I'm ok with that. 

A few weeks ago our sweet new friends asked if we should have a crawfish boil.  It was awesome! 70 lbs of crawfish, 20 lbs of shrimp, 8 lbs of corn and potatoes and all the company and fellowship you could hope for!  

 

So this has been our life lately.  Settling in and getting accustomed to our place.  The words "blessed" doesn't quite seem to really express how we feel.  Its more than blessed; we're lucky.  We're in awe of the graces the Lord has showered us with.

 He is good! 

31 Days of 31 Day Favorites

I have to admit that although I'm not very good at writing these 31 days challenges, I do love reading them.  In all honesty, I love reading blogs.  I love getting ideas and recipes and parenting wisdom and party ideas - and I just love all of it!

So, I decided that instead of really writing a 31 day series, I will show you my 31 favorite 31 Day series.  These may be from this year or any of the years past.  And if you have a favorite series, let me know what it is because I love discovering new blogs to read.

I hope you enjoy my new "play" on the 31 Days!!  

Today's favorite series is "31 Days to Happier Children" from Pete & Buzz. 

Click Here

I love this because all of us want happy children, and as parents, I love hearing others' ideas on how to encourage happiness in our children.  This series covers topics such as modeling happiness for your children, praying together, teaching your children values, celebrating together, and so much more.  

Personally, one of my favorites from the series is day 23: Celebrate Together.  I've recently tried to really work on this with my girls.  In Emmalee's new school the teacher has a behavior chart.  Everyone starts on green, and you can move up the chart: blue is a great day; purple is a fantastic day, and pink is the very best day that comes with a special prize for those who achieve it.  Of course, if they are not behaving, they can move down to yellow which means they need to turn on their listening ears, orange which is for really think about, and red means mom and dad have a phone call. Emmalee usually has green days, but has also had a couple or yellow days.  I told her on Monday that I wanted her to try and have a green or blue day.  When I picked her up I was elated to see that she didn't just have a blue day, she was on purple!  So we celebrated with a trip to Purple Berri Yogurt (fitting, I know :)) .  I loved celebrating this special day with her - and of course I took pictures so I can scrapbook it later.  It made her so happy that she had another purple day on Tuesday!!  

All of this to say, I really enjoyed this series and I hope you do, too! 

31 Days of 31 Day Favorites

Day 1:  31 Days to Happier Children

Motivation Monday

I realize that its been over a month since I've posted, and I'm so sorry, but life (as always) is crazy busy!  But today I couldn't pass up the chance to post some of the biggest motivation I've had in a VERY long time!

I posted last time that my husband has been one of my biggest motivations, and this past Saturday was no different.  In February, my husband weighed over 300 lbs and decided that he didn't want to live that way anymore.  So he made a goal and decided to participate in a sprint triathlon.  In just a short 7 months, he has lost over 60 lbs, and on Saturday completed his triathlon and was 2nd in his division!!!!!  Not to mention, he beat his goal of completing it in 2 hours and came in at only 1:48:36!!!

So the pictures you see here - THIS is my motivation today!  He is my motivation!!!!  My heart could not be more proud of him!  

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, BRANT WILLIAMS!!

Life Lately

Most of you know that I love to scrapbook, but I have been so bad about keeping up with it.  But for some reason, the past two weeks I have been on a scrappin' craze!!!!!  Here are a few of my favorite pages that I've been working on.









 

 





 

This face...

Is more than I can handle!

The amount of joy & laughter she brings into our home cannot be measured.

Her big sister absolutely adores her.

Her momma cant get enough of her kisses.

Her daddy is wrapped around her little finger.

She is loved!

On the Healthy Side of the Tracks

 Dear hubs and I have been taking a careful look at a lot of the food that is in our home lately.  Hubs is training for hist 1st triathlon and I'm still trying to lose baby weight from Madeline, so it seems like we're headed to the healthier side of the tracks.  The only down fall is the impact it has been having on our budget, so you can imagine my excitement today when I saw an article titled "20 Ways to Build A Whole Foods Kitchen on a Half-Price Budget." This one article lead me to all sorts of different articles and information that can help keep us on a healthy track but not kill our monthly grocery budget.

One of the things I found interesting in the Whole Foods article was that it ways build your weekly menu AFTER you grocery shop.  I don't know about y'all, but I do the exact opposite!  But the article makes sense - grocery shop and get value-priced produce and items, then plan your menu.  Why plan on making zucchini that may be at its highest price when asparagus is on sale?  So it looks like I might be changing my menu-planning style! 

So today, I just wanted to share some of the links that I've found in hopes that it might help you as well.  But, I also want to know what some of your tips are on how you and your family eat healthy.  How do you use fresh vegetables?  Do you freeze a lot of fresh foods?  Are you a member of a co-op?  I want to know it all!  Tell me how you and your family eat nutrient-rich foods on a budget.  


Here are some helpful links:
20 Ways to Build a Whole Food Kitchen on a Half-Priced Budget
Weekly Food Prep to Keep You on Budget
Eating by the Seasons
Dirty Dozen and the Clean Fifteen
Month-by-Month Guide to Seasonal Produce
Seasonal Produce Recipe Guide

The Summer Fun List

With summer right around the corner, I always love putting together a 

Summer Fun List!

If you've never done a Summer Fun List, it is a great way to explore your town, or just get outside and have fun, especially as a family.  We've done this the past several years and love marking things off our list.  So here are the fun things we want to do this summer! 

Thankful Thursday

Its Thankful Thursday!!!

Today I'm thankful for doctor's and healthcare professionals that help us feel better!

My poor family seems to be so sick lately.

There's Madeline.  Poor baby girl had a urinary tract infection at only 5 months old, which lead us to do testing and find out that she has grade 2 bilateral urinary reflux in her kidneys.

Then Emmalee got a stomach bug about 6 weeks ago, then she gave it to Madeline.  Then we were healthy.

Then they both got snotty noses and congested, but we took care of that too.

Then Emmalee got another stomach bug two weeks ago; then gave it to Madeline and she was sick last week; then Madeline gave it to our Daddy who is STILL sick.

Then on Friday I took Emmalee in for her 3 year well-check, only to discover that she has a double ear infection, but has never complained or said her ears hurt at all!  So mom-fail!

But through it all, our doctor's and healthcare professionals have helped us feel better and get well.  I'm so thankful for a doctor who knew that a 5 month old should not have a UTI, and insisted that we perform tests and "dig deeper" into what was going on or we would not have found the reflux.  I'm thankful for a great pediatric urologist that got us in quickly to see him and was so great with our daughter, and actually explained this condition to us in a way we could understand.

So if you are a doctor, a nurse, a caretaker, or anyone in the health care industry...

Thank you!!!

Thank you for what you do and the difference you make!

These Two Have Stolen My Heart

There are some days when raising two girls makes me feel run down and exhausted, and then there are days when it blesses my heart beyond imagination.  Saturday was one of those days when they did both.

Daddy was working a double header at the ballpark, and I was at home trying to take care of both girls, do the laundry, pick up the house, clean the kitchen, plan the weekly dinner menu, oh, and give my kids the attention they craved. It absolutely wore me out. 

But then this happened, and the joy in my heart outweighed any exhaustion.  Seeing the two of these angels together is the sweetest thing, especially when Emmalee has Madeline laughing.  

Pouring into the Next Generation

Brant and I have been doing going to a weekly Bible Study that is studying Kay Arthur's "Marriage Without Regrets" precept course.  It has been so enlightening to study what God's plan for marriage is and knowing the roles and expectations He laid out for man and woman.  On the other hand, it's made me realize the example that I want to be for my girls, and that my friends is definitely bringing some changes in my heart and actions.

Many of you may know, or read the blog of, Amanda Jones (AKA Baby Bangs).  Her dear husband Curtis once preached a sermon about being Godly men and women, and during his sermon he made one of the most profound statements that I will never forget:  When your children think about the most Godly woman they know, they should be thinking about you, their mother.  And when your children think about the Godliest man they they know, they should think about their dad! 

Wow!  What a powerful statement!  It was probably close to 10 years ago that I heard this sermon, but it made such an impact on me that I still remember it today.  The problem with this statement is that its PURE TRUTH!  If I want my girls to fall in love with their Savior and serve Him, then I have to do the same thing.  If I want my girls to be Godly women who are obedient to His calling; who raise their own children in a Godly home and show them what the "Proverbs 31 Woman" is, then I have to be an example of the Proverbs 31 Woman!

What this precept class has shown me more than anything is what God actually intended for that woman to look; what her role for her family was to be; what characteristics she should possess.  So now I've started the journey of becoming more like "that" woman.  I want to be a Godly example for my children, regardless of the secular world we live in.  I want to show them that, even though there is darkness around you, you can still be the light! 

To add fuel to "my" fire, I watched all of the IF: Gathering videos last Monday (yes, I wanted them all in a day because I felt like I couldn't get enough of them).  How fitting that this was about running the race and pouring into the next generation.  Christine Cain just about hit the nail on the head when she said God wants "the wisdom of the older generation, the resources of the middle generation and the zeal of the younger generation all running together."  But we have to BE the generation!  We have to instill a sense of urgency in the younger generation to have that zeal because the Lord is coming again, and we MUST be ready. 

So as a Godly woman, the biggest "generation" I can pour into is my own children!  I want to pour love, and wisdom, and truth into them, but I cannot do it on my own.  So I praise the Lord that He gave us the Holy Spirit who can work through me.  So today, I'm starting with the little things.  I'm talking to Emmalee more about who Jesus is, and the love that He has for her; we pray as a family more; we talk about how Jesus likes us to act.  They may seem like small things, but my prayer is that they turn into life-long things. 

So if you're pouring into your kids to raise up the next generation, what are you teaching them?  How are you the example for them to look up to?  What are you instilling in them and showing them so that, in 20 years when they think about the most Godly woman they know, they think of you? 

Let Me Be A Child, Again

A few days ago, Kelly, from Kelly's Korner, wrote a blog post about how she is always telling her girls to "hurry up."  Her post made me stop and think about how often I say those same words to my sweet 2 year old.

Then I saw an article in the Huffington Post titled The Day I Stopped Saying "Hurry Up."  The article is written by a mother who was over-taken by guilt one day when she realized how often she orders her children to "hurry up" and try to do things on her schedule. 

All I could do after reading this article is think about the past 2 mornings.  Brant has been very sick and in bed, so I have had to get Emmalee to her sitter every morning, which then makes me late for work.  I think I've told my child to "hurry up" more in the past 2 mornings than I have in the past 2 months.  I would be trying to walk out the door and Em would be putting Baby Girl (her favorite baby doll) in Madeline's swing and kissing her goodbye.  So out the door we try to go again, but Baby Girl needs her blanket in the swing so she doesn't get cold, and don't forget to tell Dax bye, and maybe we should give Daddy another kiss on the head so he can feel better...the list of things this child wanted to do before we left the house was exhausting, but then she had to go potty....and since we are in the middle of potty training, I immediately drop everything and rush her to the potty. 

15 minutes after I tried to leave the house, we were finally in the car pulling away.  My thought..."Praise the Lord we are finally in the car, but I am going to be sooo late."



Do you ever think back on times in your life and wish you could do them all over again?  Well I wish I could take back these past 2 morning and do them all over again.  I wish I helped my sweet child "mother" her Baby Girl, I wish I had encouraged her to kiss her daddy again so he could maybe feel a little bit better, I wish I had encouraged her to love on her puppy Dax....I wish, I wish, I wish.  I wish I had slowed down to see the beauty of life in those precious moments.

Children seem to "get it."  They understand that to learn and grow, they should take every moment of every day to see new things, to inquire, to enjoy the small moments of life.

This morning I can't help but think about Matthew 18. This is the parable where Jesus teaches His disciples that the greatest in Heaven are those with a child-like faith.  And unless we become like those children, we will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Today this passage has new meaning for me.  Yes, I want a child-like faith - one that does not have to see to believe.  But I also want to become a child so that maybe I can slow down again.  I want to slow down and see everything the Lord has for me.  I want to see His truth, see His plan, see His power!  I want to enjoy the family He has given me and life He has provided for me.  I want to slow down and know Him more. 

So today, I encourage you to see the world through the eyes of a child.  Take those extra moments and hold your babies longer.  Take the time to care for those around you. Take a moment to play in the rain.  Slow down.  Don't ever hurry up.  Oh, how life would be different if we were like children, again.

The Tears of a Parent

The past two years of being a parent has taught me more about my relationship with the Lord than I ever imagined it would. 

During my pregnancy with Emmalee I used to think "I want to be the most Godly woman I can be because that is what I want my child to be.  And how will she ever know how to become that woman if she doesn't see it in her own mother?"  I remember that during my pregnancy, my walk got deeper because I wanted to be stronger. 

Now, being a parent for the past two years, I don't see my walk getting "deeper," I see my understanding getting "stronger."

Emmalee has recently started battling us when its time to go to bed.  For her, this is completely unusual because she has always been so easy to put down. I've tried to blame is on the "terrible 2's", or my being pregnant, or her realizing that her world is about to change...but regardless of the reason, she has decided this is a battle she will fight...EVERY NIGHT!

One of the first nights we encountered this battle was last week.  We went through our typical routine, and I put her in her bed. She got out. I put her in again. She got out. And this went on for at least 10 minutes.  Then her daddy got involved. 

He went through the bedtime routine as well, and put her in her bed.  She got out.  He put her back in her bed, came out of her room, and held her door shut so she couldn't get out.  Which, she quickly tried to do, and when she realized she couldn't, she begged and sobbed for mommy. 

Can I tell you that it broke my heart into pieces.  I knew that my sweet little 2 year old needed to go to sleep, and by going into her room, I would make things worse.  So I was letting her daddy handle it.  But it still broke my heart, although pregnancy hormones were, I'm sure, playing a role. 

Brant went back into her room.  Five minutes later he emerged, feeling accomplished and exhausted because she was finally in bed, and he was certain she would not get up.  He was wrong.  About 5 minutes later, a figure emerged from her room and went down the hallway into the living room calling my name.  I could hear her from our bedroom, and after several minutes of hearing this tired little voice, I walked into the hallway.  My daughter turned to look at me and I looked at her.  I sat down on the floor in the hallway and she walked straight into my lap and buried her head in my chest.  She was exhausted.  I was exhausted. 

And  as I sat there on the floor holding my sweet baby girl, I let me tears fall.  They were tears of frustration, exhaustion, and pleading.  All I wanted was for this baby to understand she NEEDED to go to bed.  She needs rest.  Her little body can't "do it all" but doesn't grasp that.  I do.  And as her mother, I want only what is best for her, which was good rest. 

And as my tears fell, my mind finally began to understand our Father's love for us.  I can't "do it all", but sometimes I think I can.  But my Father wants only what is best for me, but how often do I fight Him?  If you're like me, I fight Him all the time. I battle with Him over what I think is best and what I think I need.  But He knows what is waiting for me on the "other side," just as I knew that a night full of rest would help Emmalee have a smile on her face in the morning light. 

So just as I cried over my child, how many times has He cried over me in anger, frustration, and as a simple plea to just trust Him?  And the honest answer is that I don't want to know the true number of times. 

So tell me, as a parent, how has your walk changed?  Is it deeper, do you have a better understanding of the Father's love? 

Day 4 - Commenting Challenge

Today's topic on Jenna's Commenting Challenge is Christmas in July!  What a fun topic, or at least I think so!

I LOVE everything about the Christmas season: the sights, the sounds, the smells, the family,  and most importantly, the reason!  I remember my first Christmas after I had Emmalee and I was so emotional over celebrating the birth of my savior.  I guess as a new parent, I celebrated my child's birth in so many different way, but to celebrate the birth of a SAVIOR...now that is just incredible! 

I will say that this year's Christmas will be a little different having 2 babies girls in the house instead of just one.  I've already started buying present - yes, you heard me right!!!  That is part of the "reasoning" I used when I spent a "little" bit of money at the recent Remember Nguyen "4th of July" sale! I mean, my girls NEED coordinating outfits next spring/summer, right? 


But, if I could get one "big" gift for the girls, it would look something like this!

Emmalee LOVES being outside!  She loves swinging, sliding, playing - she loves it all.  I told Brant that I would love the get a nice swingset for our backyard so that she has a place to play. 

Now, what does this Momma want for Christmas, well I'm already getting it - a new kitchen!!! I am beyond thrilled that I'm getting the kitchen "facelift" that  I have been wanting for 3 years now! So in my book, I'm just happy with my new kitchen, and my sweet family of 4! 

But, the best gift I've ever received is this guy!

I mean just look at that sweet face!  When Brant and I got married I begged for a dog. He consistently told me "no," only because he had already planned for that to be my birthday/Christmas present.  I came home from work a few days before my birthday (Dec. 12th) to find this sleepy little 6-week old pup in my living room.  He has definitely been my favorite gift and is certainly my "firstborn".  Just take a look at our sweet Dax Honey Williams of Maxwell (and yes, that is his full registered name)!

So what are you hoping is under your tree this Christmas season???