Some days are easy, some days are not

It's crazy to think that its been 6 months since we found out that we lost our baby.  I remember right after we found out I would wake up and think to myself, "ok, I've made it a week." or "Woah, its been a month."  The days got easier, but I still think about it often. 

My due date was May 14th.  Because of my pregnancies with the girls, I had a feeling he or she would have been a late-April baby.  And here we are.  It's late April now.  Today we have a routine follow-up appointment with Madeline's urologist.  I remember when I made the appointment I thought to myself "Ok, either I will be REALLY pregnant, or we'll have newborn accompanying us to the appointment."  But the Lord had different plans.

And although I wish that I was celebrating a new life, I also believe that His plan is still better. 

If you have traveled, or are traveling, the road of infant loss or miscarriage, please know that you are not alone and you are prayed for. There is always a longing, and place in your heart for the life that only you knew.  My prayer for me, and for you, is that the Lord fills that place in my heart with joy! 

Joy because I  know that I will meet my child in Glory one day.  Joy because He is I Am.  Joy because, even though my heart is still sad, I am blessed by smiling faces!

One Week

One week.   7 days.  168 Hours.   10,080 minutes. 

That is how long it’s been since I found out that the precious baby inside of me had stopped growing.  There was no heartbeat.  There was nothing but silence.  The tears fell from my eyes as my heart was breaking.  I stared at the ultrasound monitor and quickly tried to memorize every detail of the outline on the screen.  As the ultrasound technician left to room to go get my doctor, I whispered to that sweet baby how desperately I had wanted him, or her; how much I loved him; how much daddy love him; how excited his sisters were to hold him; how precious he was.  And then I told my baby goodbye. 

Our journey started on September 13^th.  It was the day after Madeline’s 2^nd birthday party.  There had been a few things that just seemed “off,” so I decided to take a pregnancy test.  I knew it would be negative because Brant and I had decided months before that we were happy with two children, so we were preventing “things” from happening.  We thought we were good with two, and if God had different plans then He would have to work a miracle.  So you can imagine my shock when I took that pregnancy test and saw that God had decided to do just that – work a miracle. 

I was in complete disbelief and went straight to Brant.  His smile was priceless.  I remember saying to him “But this wasn’t the plan.”  And his response:  “You’re right, this wasn’t our plan.  But I am so happy.”  

From that moment on excitement filled our home.  The thought of a new baby in my arms was euphoric.  We waited some time before telling the girls, but as the days and weeks passed I began to experience the morning sickness, and nausea, and fatigue, and food aversions – all the “fun” first trimester brings.  So we explained to them that there was a baby in mommy's belly and they were going to have a little brother or sister.

Our first sonogram was on October 7^th.  I was 8 weeks and 5 day into my pregnancy.  I was prepared to see a growing baby and strong heartbeat.  But what we saw was a very small baby.  Mother’s instinct kicked in and I knew God had a different plan than what we had hoped for.  But I tried to remain positive.  We heard a beautiful strong heartbeat of 134 beats/min.  As the ultrasound was coming to a close, I asked the technician if I could hear that heartbeat one more time.  Something in me knew those final beats would be the last that I heard and I savored every moment of them.  Based on the size of the baby’s growth, my due date was moved back 16 days, but I assured my doctor I knew my dates – and the “new” due date was wrong.  He told me to focus on the positive – there was a heartbeat.  

The new few days I cried often simply because I knew something was going to happen.  I told Brant my fears, and he tried to calm them in every way he knew how.  I begged God for a different outcome, but promised that I would praise His name no matter what.  

Finally on October 21^st, at 10 weeks, I knew in my innermost being that my baby no longer had a heartbeat.  I can’t explain how or why I knew – I just did.  I called my doctor’s office and told them that I needed them to see me.  And they did.  I told the ultrasound technician exactly what I thought the ultrasound would show.  She had such compassion and tenderness as she confirmed my fears.  That was one week ago today. 

It has been a hard week.  Explaining to the girls was hard, but we promised them that we will see our baby again in heaven – Jesus is just going to hold our baby until we get there.  Emmalee has often prayed and asked Jesus to “take good care of our baby.”  It brings tears to my eyes every time.  But through it all I will still praise His name.  He is the God who breathes life into the lifeless, and HE gives hope to the hopeless. He gives and He takes away.  He is my strength, and my comforter, and my strong tower.  He has held us in the palm of His victorious hand and showered us with peace.

 

Days like today are hard.  I keep thinking about the “what ifs.”  But Heaven is the only home my sweet baby will ever know, and in that I WILL REJOICE!  What better arms to hold my child than the arms of Christ the King? 

Day 26: 31 Days of Mom Prayers

Have you ever had those moments as a mom and as a wife that you just feel, well...inadequate and completely exhausted?  I feel it...ALL.THE.TIME (at least it seems like all the time).


I've been studying the Proverbs 31 woman lately, and I found myself wondering the other day if that woman ever rested? I mean AMEN, or AMEN?  Did she ever get a break?  Did she ever want a break?  I cannot tell you how many times during the day that I just call out to the Lord and ask Him to simply breath energy into my being; to bring a spirit of humility and patience to my soul; to bring clarity and organization into the never-ending chaos.

So praise be the King of Kings that He hears us!

These are the simple reasons why today's 31 favorite is from Girl with Blog:  31 Days of Mom Prayers. 

This series is so dear to my heart because it seems like I'm so often praying these exact words.  And I say "forget 31 days", we need these prayers every day! 

Day 12: 31 Days of Calm the Chaos

I'm sure that any parent completely understand how your house can go from nice and pretty to completely destroyed in a matter of seconds. When life is busy and work is busy, adding our little darlings just adds to the business.  It seems that children, no matter what their age, can always bring a little (welcomed) chaos into our lives. 

Which is the exact reason I love Cara's 31 day series over at Red House Dry Goods:

Cara begins her series discussing the "why" she decided on this topic.  She address issues such as to-do- lists, knowing your limits, adjusting your expectations, and just how to simply get a little more organization for your life.  One of favorites new quotes came out of day 11: 

I LOVED this!  Let's be honest, how often do we, especially as moms, say "Yes" to too many things?  I do it all the time!  "Yes" to hosting baby showers, "yes" to baking for the school bake sale, "yes" to being a room mom, "yes" to sewing an outfit for a friend, "yes" to volunteering at the church event... I can admit is, I am a "YES" girl!  But it adds so much added stress, and often makes me run around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Its ok to not participate in everything!  It's OK to set limits!

So I hope that you enjoy Cara's series as much as I did, and learn a bit too about how to calm some of the chaos that surrounds your life.  Just think, the less chaotic, the more we can to truly ENJOY our everyday surroundings!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Emmalee Caroline

HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY 

EMMALEE CAROLINE!!!

Emmalee Caroline,
You are 3 years old today, and I simply cannot believe it.  It's hard to remember what life was like before you. You made all me dreams of being a momma come true just 3 short years ago, and life has only gotten sweeter.  

You have the sweetest spirit and love people unconditionally, especially your baby sister.  She is the first thing you usually ask for in the mornings and you're always telling me and daddy that you "want to keep her."  You love playing tea party with her and are always wanting to hug her, and kiss her, and help feed her and help burp her...you want to be involved in everything. 

You are so funny.  You constantly make me, your daddy, and your sister laugh.  You love to sing and are always making up songs for everything.  Sometimes I think you sing more than you speak.  You are so smart and incredibly inquisitive.  You ask some of the most deep questions and have a wonderful memory.  You like order - you're always wanting to know "the plan" and what is going to happen.  You are not a fan of bedtime, but still love taking baths or anything involving water.  You are a ball of energy that is constantly on the go.  You love the outdoors and playing pretend. 

Your favorite food is spaghetti.  Two days ago I asked you if you wanted to go out to dinner for your birthday or for momma to cook, and you said you wanted momma to cook.   When I asked you what you wanted me to cook, you quickly asked for spaghetti & meatballs, even though we just had it last week.  You were thrilled when I told you "yes!"  You also like most vegetables:  squash, broccoli. green beans, carrots, and tomatoes.  You like cheese, peanuts, vanilla wafers, and anything sweet.

More than anything, you fill our home with laughter and liveliness.  The Lord made you so special and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you.  Remember that your mommy and daddy are always so proud you, and love you more than you will ever know.

Happy birthday sweet baby girl; I love you!
Momma

Baby Food in a Flash - Crockpot Version

Baby food making - something I never thought I would find myself doing.  I had it in my mind that it would be difficult and time consuming.  As a FT working mom, my time at home is precious so I didn't want to take up any of that valuable time making something that I could conveniently purchase at the store. 

But, a few friends I work with have babies about the same age as Madeline and convinced me that it was actually quite simple and really didn't take up much time at all.  So I decided to give it a whirl, and little did I know that I would soon be making up my own recipes and methods to make my own baby food.  The craziest part is that I am truly enjoying it and it actually does save money. 

So here is a quick guide to "Baby Food Making for Moms Always on the Go!"

 Today's specialty:  Carrots.

Here is a list of everything you'll need (prepare yourself, its lengthy, lol):
Sauce-sized crockpot
About 1 cup water
Bag of baby peeled carrots
pinch of salt
Immersion blender
Storage container.

To begin, I have my crockpot and 1 16 oz bag of organic baby carrots that I got for only $1.59.  

 

 Put your carrots in your crockpot with about 1 cup of water.  The water is simply to make your puree smooth and creamy.  If you prefer, you can exclude the water (or some of it) and add breast milk (if you're nursing)  in to end to make it smooth & thin.  I added a pinch of salt to mine, just to season and add some flavor.

Turn your crockpot on low for 5-6 hours, or you can cook on high for about 4 hours.

 Once the carrots are done (sliced of smushed easily with a fork), take your immersion blender (a hand-held mixer works just as good) and begin to puree until smooth and creamy.

Here we are - smooth & creamy.  

If you feel your puree is too thick, add more water or breast milk.  Also consider the age of your child. Madeline just started eating solids, so I want mine more thin so her little tummy can digest it easily.

 

 Just to give you a better idea of how much one bag of carrots can make, I poured my puree into this measuring cup.  It's a little over 2 cups, which I will make into 6 generous servings of food. 

STORAGE OPTIONS:

There are several different storage options.  You can use  the small glad containers, ziplock bags, breastmilk bags, or any other seal-able container you have.  I have given Madeline several serving of store-bought food, so I saved the containers and they are perfect for storage and freezing.

 Here's my new stash!  6 containers of freshly carrot puree, ready for the freezer or refrigerator.  I'll feed one serving to Madeline tonight, and save the rest of later.  I'll just put these in the freezer for now.  To thaw,  you can set them refrigerate, or sit the container in warm water for 5-10 minutes.  Very simple.

I was a complete skeptic on the whole "making your own baby food saves money" but I did the math and its actually true.  These Gerber foods are purchased at my local Kroger for $0.99.  Each item has 2 servings.  So $1 for 2 servings, roughly.  I just made 6 servings of carrots for $1.59!  That's roughly half the cost I would have spent buying 6 servings of Gerber foods.  

My serving sizes are the same as Gerber's because I am using the Gerber containers for storage.

That's it!  So simple and easy.  Total time actually "making" this was less than 10 minutes.  Since the cooking takes place in the crockpot, you can walk away and just let it be.  You can cook them while you're running errands, or at work, or playing with your kids.  It's a great time saver, but still allows me to savor the special time I have at home. 

Do you make your own baby food?  I'm intrigued to see who makes their own and what are some of your favorite recipes?  Do you get "creative" when your little ones are a bit older and exploring new foods? 

These Two Have Stolen My Heart

There are some days when raising two girls makes me feel run down and exhausted, and then there are days when it blesses my heart beyond imagination.  Saturday was one of those days when they did both.

Daddy was working a double header at the ballpark, and I was at home trying to take care of both girls, do the laundry, pick up the house, clean the kitchen, plan the weekly dinner menu, oh, and give my kids the attention they craved. It absolutely wore me out. 

But then this happened, and the joy in my heart outweighed any exhaustion.  Seeing the two of these angels together is the sweetest thing, especially when Emmalee has Madeline laughing.  

Pouring into the Next Generation

Brant and I have been doing going to a weekly Bible Study that is studying Kay Arthur's "Marriage Without Regrets" precept course.  It has been so enlightening to study what God's plan for marriage is and knowing the roles and expectations He laid out for man and woman.  On the other hand, it's made me realize the example that I want to be for my girls, and that my friends is definitely bringing some changes in my heart and actions.

Many of you may know, or read the blog of, Amanda Jones (AKA Baby Bangs).  Her dear husband Curtis once preached a sermon about being Godly men and women, and during his sermon he made one of the most profound statements that I will never forget:  When your children think about the most Godly woman they know, they should be thinking about you, their mother.  And when your children think about the Godliest man they they know, they should think about their dad! 

Wow!  What a powerful statement!  It was probably close to 10 years ago that I heard this sermon, but it made such an impact on me that I still remember it today.  The problem with this statement is that its PURE TRUTH!  If I want my girls to fall in love with their Savior and serve Him, then I have to do the same thing.  If I want my girls to be Godly women who are obedient to His calling; who raise their own children in a Godly home and show them what the "Proverbs 31 Woman" is, then I have to be an example of the Proverbs 31 Woman!

What this precept class has shown me more than anything is what God actually intended for that woman to look; what her role for her family was to be; what characteristics she should possess.  So now I've started the journey of becoming more like "that" woman.  I want to be a Godly example for my children, regardless of the secular world we live in.  I want to show them that, even though there is darkness around you, you can still be the light! 

To add fuel to "my" fire, I watched all of the IF: Gathering videos last Monday (yes, I wanted them all in a day because I felt like I couldn't get enough of them).  How fitting that this was about running the race and pouring into the next generation.  Christine Cain just about hit the nail on the head when she said God wants "the wisdom of the older generation, the resources of the middle generation and the zeal of the younger generation all running together."  But we have to BE the generation!  We have to instill a sense of urgency in the younger generation to have that zeal because the Lord is coming again, and we MUST be ready. 

So as a Godly woman, the biggest "generation" I can pour into is my own children!  I want to pour love, and wisdom, and truth into them, but I cannot do it on my own.  So I praise the Lord that He gave us the Holy Spirit who can work through me.  So today, I'm starting with the little things.  I'm talking to Emmalee more about who Jesus is, and the love that He has for her; we pray as a family more; we talk about how Jesus likes us to act.  They may seem like small things, but my prayer is that they turn into life-long things. 

So if you're pouring into your kids to raise up the next generation, what are you teaching them?  How are you the example for them to look up to?  What are you instilling in them and showing them so that, in 20 years when they think about the most Godly woman they know, they think of you? 

Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I can't believe its been so long since I posted, but life has been crazy busy having a baby who is a BIG momma's girl and a toddler who has more energy than energizer bunny! But here I am still, still alive and well and hoping to blog a little more in 2014.  I have a few other hopes for the new year, aka (dare I say the word) resolutions!

1) Obviously, as I stated, I need to blog more.  I love having my blog and I love looking back at old posts.  I think one of my favorite things was posting on the 15th of every month during Emmalee's first year of life.  I would talk about all the great and fun things she was doing.  Then, when I was doing her scrapbook, I was able to copy all of those posts and record all of the firsts and all the fun things of watching her grow up.  I think I've only done it once with Madeline, so call me a slacker mom.  So yes, I want to blog more.

2)  Scrapbook.  Y'all, I have got to get caught up in my scrapbooking.  I absolutely love doing it, I just never sit down and dedicate time to it.  My family scrapbook is so far behind its not even funny, and Emmalee's scrapbook is only completed through 6 months, and Madeline's isn't even started.  Yeah, so that's slacker mom #2! 

3) Lose Weight.  Yes, I know that is probably on everybody's list, but I HAVE to get off this baby weight, and an extra 15 or 20 wouldn't hurt. 

and my most important and my "REAL" resolution

4) I will spend more time holding my babies and loving my family instead of being so concerned about how my house looks and worried about "stuff" that needs to get done.  I usually come home from work, make dinner, eat, bathe kids, and spend time picking up the house or cleaning the kitchen.  But this year, all the housework can wait.  Toys can stay in the floor a little bit longer.  Dishes can be washed in a little while.  But when my children are awake and my husband is home, I will devote myself to them.  I will take the time to hug and kiss them, and make sure I savor every moment possible. 

Emmalee is with her Aunt Sis and cousin Aeson today, so Lil miss Madeline wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year! May your 2014 be filled with joy and peace!

Madeline's Birth Announcement

I have to say that making Madeline's birth announcement was so much fun, and so was the newborn photo shoot to get the pictures.  I know I've said it 100 times, but I'll say it again - there is nothing greater than having a sister who is an AMAZING photographer!  She knows how to capture just how small and fragile they are, and how precious and sweet.  I love it.

So without further ado, here is the birth announcement for our sweet and precious Madeline Grace.

front

 

back

We are beyond blessed by our two sweet girls.  Its funny because I never imagined my heart could be so full.  I'm reminded everyday how lucky I am to have my girls.  I still can't believe Madeline is 2 months old already, and I promise to do that post soon. 

If you're a mom struggling with infertility, know that I am praying for you.  I've been down that road; I've traveled that journey; I understand that heartache.  But know that the Lord's plan is always greater than our own...this baby girl is proof of that! 

5 on Friday

Emmalee was incredibly laid back and only cried when she was hungry.  She was one of the easiest babies I have ever known.  Madeline is different.  Madeline is a momma's girl and loves to be held by her momma.  She fusses quite a bit in the evenings and loves nursing, so it can make life and mothering a little more different than it was when Emmalee, not to mention the fact that I'm still trying to be a "hands-on" mom to Emmalee.  Having 2 is completely different than having 1, that is for sure! 

So today my 5 on Friday is all about the things that is making my life a little easier and manageable.

{ONE}

The Swing

I have the Sung-A-Bug Craddle and Swing and I LOVE it.  One of my favorite things about this swing is that it has a power cord that allows you to plug it into the wall so if you use it for hours at a time (as i do) then you're not constantly worried about having to buy stock in Energizer!  The swing also has several speed settings and can swing side to side, or you can switch it to a backward/forward motion setting.  Emmalee and Madeline both are "swing-babies" so this is one of my ultimate must-haves for baby.  I can sit Madeline in her swing just to "play" and look at the birds, or she'll nap here, so for me, this is one way that allows me some hands-free time.

{TWO}

SwaddleMe Blanet

  The swaddle blanket is my new BFF, y'all.  Emmalee was an incredible sleeper and I just swaddled, or tightly wrapped, her in a receiving blanket.  But Madeline is a wild-hands sleeper - she flails, like many babies do.  So I tried the swaddle blanket.  At first, she hated it and would scream.  Well, come to find out I was doing it wrong.  Once I watched a few videos and learned to tuck her hands down under her bottom, things improved - literally over night!  Now, Madeline loves being swaddled and sleeps GREAT!  She has consistantly (for almost 2 weeks now) slept for one 6 hour stretch, wakes and eats, then goes back to bed for another 4-5 hours.  So, I love the SwaddleMe blanket and it has greatly improved our quality of sleep! 

{THREE}

Moby Wrap

My personal choice for an infant carrier is the Moby Wrap. I was given a Boppy (sling style) carrier before Emmalee was born and she hated it, so I got the Moby.  Emmalee and I both loved it, so I've continued using it with Madeline. Since Madeline loves being held, especially in the evenings, I've been able to put her in the Moby and make dinner, fold clothes, play with Emmalee, etc.  It is definitely on my Favorites List! 

{FOUR}

Although Madeline doesn't have colic, I love Gripe Water.  It seems like Madeline ALWAYS has the hiccups - she had them 3 or 4 times a day while I was pregnant with her and she still has then a few times a day.  So, I always have a small bottle with equal parts tap water & Gripe Water that help so much when she has the hiccups, and can be a life saver when she is gassy. 

{FIVE}

My Crockpot!!

I LOVE my Crockpot, and if you have ever read any of my recipes, then you know I will cook just about anything in it.  This thing has been incredibly helpful in getting meals on the table.  I can put dinner on to cook in the morning (when Madeline naps the best), but can still have a reasonable dinner on my table with little effort by 6ish during her fussy period.  Its great, and I've been discovering so many great new recipes while I've been at home!  

So, what are some of the tricks or things you have up your sleeve to keep your life manageable with a new baby at home? 

Madeline's Birth Story

Our sweet Madeline Grace was born on Monday, September 16th.  Its crazy to think she is already ten days old - I'm not quite sure where those 10 days went. The days seem to already be flying by and I can only pray that the next two years slow down a bit, but I know I'm only kidding myself if I think they will.
 
My birth story with Madeline is pretty simple.  My blood pressure started to rise on Friday, September 13th.  I called and talked with my doctor's office about it and we agreed the best option was for me to take it easy (or, as easy as possible with a 2 year old at home) for the weekend and monitor my blood pressure every few hours.  I would have spikes in my blood pressure where it would be really high, then it would drop back down to normal just as fast as it spiked.  On Sunday, we went to triage because my BP spiked and I started feeling pretty sick.  By the time we got to the hospital and they checked my BP, it was back down to normal.  After a few hours of monitoring, they sent us home.

Monday morning, I had my weekly appointment.  When I arrived, my blood pressure was 150/90.  They decided to check it again about 10 minutes later, and this time it had spiked to 160/100.  So the doctor came into the room and informed us that we would be having a baby that day.  We were instructed to home, get my bag, and head straight to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were directed to a Labor and Delivery room, and within an hour I had my Pitocin IV.  The drip started about 12:15 and contractions started occuring pretty regularly within 30 minutes.  Around 3:30 I was ready for my epidural, and my water was broken shortly after around 4:30.  Contractions really started to pick up after that!  I did feel quite a bit of pain on one side, but my wonderful nurse and anesthesiologist came in and helped get it under control.  Around 6:30, the nurse checked and I was complete, so she called the doctor and told him to head up to my room, and quickly! After 3 very small pushes, Madeline Grace was born at 6:48pm.  It was such a great feeling seeing my sweet daughter for the first time.

I have to give all the credit of an easy delivery to my L&D nurse, Monica.  She was amazing.  Because my delivery was pretty easy, so was my recovery.  We stayed in the hospital just over 24 hours then got to come home.  Madeline's billy ruben was slightly high, but we were just instructed to go see our pediatrician within 48 hours.

We are so thankful to be home and resting well.  Emmalee is adjusting alright.  She has shown a little more defiance toward mommy and daddy, but she absolutely LOVES her little sister.  I'm sure that things are going to be great as soon as this adjustment period passes.

 I am so thankful for my little family of 4! 

The Tears of a Parent

The past two years of being a parent has taught me more about my relationship with the Lord than I ever imagined it would. 

During my pregnancy with Emmalee I used to think "I want to be the most Godly woman I can be because that is what I want my child to be.  And how will she ever know how to become that woman if she doesn't see it in her own mother?"  I remember that during my pregnancy, my walk got deeper because I wanted to be stronger. 

Now, being a parent for the past two years, I don't see my walk getting "deeper," I see my understanding getting "stronger."

Emmalee has recently started battling us when its time to go to bed.  For her, this is completely unusual because she has always been so easy to put down. I've tried to blame is on the "terrible 2's", or my being pregnant, or her realizing that her world is about to change...but regardless of the reason, she has decided this is a battle she will fight...EVERY NIGHT!

One of the first nights we encountered this battle was last week.  We went through our typical routine, and I put her in her bed. She got out. I put her in again. She got out. And this went on for at least 10 minutes.  Then her daddy got involved. 

He went through the bedtime routine as well, and put her in her bed.  She got out.  He put her back in her bed, came out of her room, and held her door shut so she couldn't get out.  Which, she quickly tried to do, and when she realized she couldn't, she begged and sobbed for mommy. 

Can I tell you that it broke my heart into pieces.  I knew that my sweet little 2 year old needed to go to sleep, and by going into her room, I would make things worse.  So I was letting her daddy handle it.  But it still broke my heart, although pregnancy hormones were, I'm sure, playing a role. 

Brant went back into her room.  Five minutes later he emerged, feeling accomplished and exhausted because she was finally in bed, and he was certain she would not get up.  He was wrong.  About 5 minutes later, a figure emerged from her room and went down the hallway into the living room calling my name.  I could hear her from our bedroom, and after several minutes of hearing this tired little voice, I walked into the hallway.  My daughter turned to look at me and I looked at her.  I sat down on the floor in the hallway and she walked straight into my lap and buried her head in my chest.  She was exhausted.  I was exhausted. 

And  as I sat there on the floor holding my sweet baby girl, I let me tears fall.  They were tears of frustration, exhaustion, and pleading.  All I wanted was for this baby to understand she NEEDED to go to bed.  She needs rest.  Her little body can't "do it all" but doesn't grasp that.  I do.  And as her mother, I want only what is best for her, which was good rest. 

And as my tears fell, my mind finally began to understand our Father's love for us.  I can't "do it all", but sometimes I think I can.  But my Father wants only what is best for me, but how often do I fight Him?  If you're like me, I fight Him all the time. I battle with Him over what I think is best and what I think I need.  But He knows what is waiting for me on the "other side," just as I knew that a night full of rest would help Emmalee have a smile on her face in the morning light. 

So just as I cried over my child, how many times has He cried over me in anger, frustration, and as a simple plea to just trust Him?  And the honest answer is that I don't want to know the true number of times. 

So tell me, as a parent, how has your walk changed?  Is it deeper, do you have a better understanding of the Father's love? 

5 on Friday

So I decided that today I would participate for the very first time in 5 on Friday!!!  I'm actually very excited about it.  I have had several people express to me that its a great way to get over my blogging slump, mainly because I can just talk about any ole' thing I want to- and what's better than that?

So without further ado, here are my 5 on Friday!

{ONE}

 Kelly's Korner is, of course, having her "Show Us Your Life" and this week is for freezer meals! 

Can I just say Praise the Lord!!!!!!  If there is one thing I know I need to do before baby #2 gets here is prepare some of these meals, and I honestly don't have but maybe 1 or 2 freezer meals recipes: chicken spaghetti and lasagna.  So I have a feeling my printer might be working overtime printing off every recipe posted! 

{TWO}

I know I posted about one of my new favorite Etsy stores yesterday, but I found another one!  My sister was looking for a gift for one of her girlfriends, and found this site.  She sent me the link and now I am in love!  Its Rosie Posie Designs. Her stuff is adorable, and the shop owner's name is Ashley, so how could I NOT love her stuff?  This is probably one of my favorite things she sells:

I do not have any rights to this picture, it was used from the linked website above.

I am seriously in LOVE with it!  I think I need it.  But she has these personalized trays (in practically EVERY color/pattern known to man)  She also has notepads, coasters, etc.  I think these are perfect for wedding presents! 

{THREE}

 Halloween.  It may seem far off, but considering I'll have a newborn - one month old at Halloween, I'm trying to plan ahead...way ahead!  Last year Emmalee was the Chick-Fil-A cow, and one of the cutest CFA cows I have EVER laid eyes on!  

I had originally planned on dressing her up as a cowgirl this year, and putting a saddle on Dax, our loveable lab, and he would be her horse.  Of course, I wasn't planning on having a new baby this Halloween either, so that has interfered with my plans a bit, unless I just stick Maddie in my moby wrap and go on our merry way...who knows.  

Do you have any cute suggestions for coordinating Halloween costumes for a 2.5 yo and newborn???

{FOUR}

I think I want a new blog design.  I haven't changed this one up in a long time, and I don't really design them anymore.  They are just so time consuming.  I really prefer to just stick with card/party printable designs.  I like the simpler blog designs - you know, the muted colors, simple patterns, etc.  Maybe I'll work on creating a new design this weekend....or I'll wait until Madeline comes.  Who knows. It seems like these pregnancy hormones have me changing my mind every 5 minutes...just ask my husband! 

And speaking of my husband, my

{FIVE}

is him - my one and only.  Tomorrow we celebrate 6 wonderful years of marriage.  Its kind of crazy how fast 6 years can go by, especially once you add babies to the mix.  But the thing that has been on my mind the most lately is how I can't imaging being married to anyone else.  This man is my very best friend.

 He is an amazing father to our sweet girl. He loves her more than life itself, and she adores him.

He loves me like no one else can love me, and puts up with all my pregnancy hormones, emotions, and fits.  I mean truly, how could I ask for anything more?

Happy anniversary, my love!  Here's to the best 6 years of my life, and the next 60 to come!  I can't wait to spend them with you!