Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Heart and Convictions of a New Mom

My heart and mind have been overflowing with so many new emotions lately as Brant and I prepare to become first time parents. We are excited, but nervous; overjoyed but worried...a new life in our world bring in a whole new chapter of our lives.

Recently, my heart has been so convicted and because I feel that my desire is to be completely "real" with you, I just thought I would take some time today and share with you what has been on my heart for some time now.

If you remember, or read, this post about why my daughter's middle name is Caroline, then you know that my deepest desire for her is to be completely in-love with her savior! I want her to desire Him; to have a passion for Him; to live completely for Him. But I have been so convicted lately because how can my daughter do these things without seeing them portrayed in her parents? How can I teach my daughter to be completely in love with her King, if I do live my life in a way that shows I am completely in love with my King? How can Emmalee live completely for Him, if I don't show her what that means?

Last week I posted on my Facebook and Twitter that I had recently heard a sermon that had really been on my mind - a sermon about parenting. The speaker made this comment that I thought was extremely profound: "Children are a gift from God, but God didn't entrust you with this gift to make them happy, but to make them holy." This statement hit me square between the eyes - what a huge responsibility, and blessing, parenting is. But this all reminded me of something else I had once heard spoken by Curtis Jones (Amanda Jones's husband). Curtis was speaking about how parents' faith should be transparent to their children - parents should live their lives in such a way that when a child is asked "Who is the most Godly woman you know", the child should immediately think of their mom; and when asked "Who is the most Godly man you know?", that child should immediately think of their father.

These two truths have made a huge impact of my relationship with the Lord. My heart is so convicted because if my daughter saw how I lived right now, I doubt she would think of me as the most Godly woman she knows. But it is my heart's every desire to make her into a Godly woman for her children; therefore, I have to be that Godly woman for her.

So needless to say, God and I have been on a roller coaster together these past few months. I have turned to Him and run to Him more in the past few months than I have in a long time. My love for Him is growing deeper everyday and my desire for him is burning stronger than before.

If my daughter is going to see what a Godly woman really is, then she WILL see it in her mother.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised"
Proverbs 31:30

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