This is My Story

Ever since I was a little girl, all I have ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom. Well my first dream came true when I married my husband, Brant on July 20, 2007. After a year and a half of marriage, we decided to try and start our family.

I had been on birth control for several years, so I obviously got off of it, but after 14 weeks, still did not have a cycle. That began our almost 2 year long journey to have a baby. The doctors began to run an assortment of tests, but nothing seemed to reveal the cause of a lack of ovulation. I was prescribed progesterone and different hormones in hopes that my body would react to them, but it didn't. I was prescribed high doses of Clomid, but is still did nothing. Last October, the doctor told us that our next option was an infertility specialist. He had exhausted every avenue possible to him but a specialist may be more suited to address the "problem."

As I began to research infertility specialists in my area, I reached a breaking point. I was stressed out, emotionally exhausted, and scared of what the future held. So I called a dear friend of my family, Mrs. Edith. Mrs. Edith has a doctorate in natural medicine. I simply called and asked her if she would tell me something that I could take for the stress. After a long appointment with her in early November, she put me on a cell detox. Her thoughts were that since I was on birth control, the tissue and cells of my ovaries and uterus had absorbed the toxins in the birth control; therefore, my body still had the drug in the bloodstream which prevented ovulation. So, I started to take a cell detox. On January 1st, I had a cycle.

I will remember that for a long time. Brant and I felt like we had finally won a battle in this infertility war because I finally ovulated.  Before I went to the infertility specialist, I wanted to exhaust my options. So we did. I continued the cell detox, got back on Clomid, and let nature take its course. After 5 months, we still were without a baby, and again felt completed defeated.

Brant and I began to talk about adoption more and more. We had finally come to a place where we just laid it at His feet. I told the Lord that I would be ok if I never "had" a child, but that I still desired to be a mother. I told Him that I trusted His plan, and that if He would just lead us, we would gladly follow. I remember what a peace I felt after finally giving it ALL to Him.

I never imagined that God just needed me to finally let Him have the reins before He was ready to put His plan into action.

August 20, 2010 is a day that changed our lives forever. After two years of trying, we found out that we were going to have a baby. On September 3rd, we heard the sweetest sound - a strong beating heart. Our sweet baby girl Emmalee was born on April 15, 2011.


Today, at almost three years old, she is one of the spunkiest, sassiest, and funny little girls I've ever met!  





At the time I never knew God's plan for my family, but He has proved Himself faithful over and over. On the days where I felt nothing but despair, He provided people to pray over me. When I felt hopeless, He provided women who encouraged me. He was my ultimate physician and healer.

Fast forward a few years and we were thrilled and VERY surprised when we found out that God was going to bless us again!  This past September Ms. Madeline Grace was born.







In an instant, God changed our lives. I will encourage those struggling with infertility by saying this: His plan is perfect, even when we are not. Rest in Him and follow where He leads you. Remember Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, ' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a HOPE and a FUTURE."

Day 1 - Commenting Challenge

I'm so excited to be participating in Jenna's 4th Annual Commenting Challenge.  If you're stopping over through her blog, WELCOME! 

I'm Ashley.  

If you're going to read my blog, here is what you need to know about me.  First, and foremost, I love the Lord.  He is my rock, my strength, and my savior.  Second, I'm a wife of 6 year to this wonderful man, Brant. 

He is my very best friend, an amazing father, and I consider myself to be one lucky gal to have him.  He is also the father to my two sweet girls:  Emmalee Caroline, who is 2, and Madeline Grace who should be making her arrival in September of this year. 

This spunky lil' blonde hair, blue eyed tot keeps us on our toes and fills our home with laughter.  We battled infertility for 2 years trying to have Emmalee.  Our doctor could never quite determine the root cause of our infertility, but God had a plan.  She is certainly our little miracle.  So imagine our surprise in February of this year when we discovered that we were expecting number 2, and not even trying.  We are thrilled to be adding Madeline Grace to our family.

And the rest you need to know is this:  I'm southern!  Born and raised in the GREAT state of Texas, I love sweet tea and good white wine.  I love to eat and try new recipes, and you can always find me looking for new way to use my crockpot.  I'm a mom-blogger.  Why?  Because my family is my great asset and blessing!  I love sharing them with you - whether through joys or challenges. I discovered early on that the blogging-world is full of knowledge and advice, so lets help and encourage one another.

You can also find me on Twitter as awilliams0720.  I LOVE to tweet and kind myself using Tiwtter as my #1 news source these days!  Its an incredible community!

You can also find me on Instagram as awilliams0720, or on Facebook (there's a link to the left on the sidebar.).

Leave me a comment so I can follow you and learn about who you are.  I hope that we can be great blogging friends!!!

31 Letters to My Daughter

The Nesting Place is hosting her annual 31 Days of Blogging where you pick a subject or "thing" to write about for the 31 days of October.  I won't lie to you and say that my "subject" of choice was an easy one - it was not.  Originally, I had planned on writing about 31 days of my favorite recipes, but some recent things in my life changed that.

You see today I had to attend a funeral.  It was a young lady named Lynette.  Lynette was the older sister of one of my dear friends and college roommates.  Lynette was suddenly killed in a car accident last Thursday, September 27th, when her compact car collided with an 18-wheeler.  Lynette was never married, but she did have a 13 year old son, Noah.  For me, one of the most difficult parts of the funeral today was hearing the letter that her son wrote telling his mother "goodbye."

As a mother, nothing breaks my heart more than seeing a child lose its mother, or a mother lose her child.  Its a heartbreak that I do not know, nor can I fathom.  So today, my "31 Days" changed.  Today, I decided to write 31 letters to my daughter - letters about life, letters about love, and letters from my heart.  These are the things I want her know, whether I tell her myself, or not.  So today, I begin...

My Sweetest Emmalee Caroline,
I'm writing you this series of letters because there are so many things about life that I want you to know, so many things I want you to believe in, and so many things that I want you to understand.  Today, I want you to know a little bit about who you are.

You are the daughter of Ashley and Brant Williams and we love you more than you can imagine.  All of my life I dreamed about being a mom; all I ever wanted was to hear someone call me "Momma."  Your daddy and I had been married a little over 2 years when we decided to start our family.  Little did we know that we were about to take a very long and life-changing journey.

It took almost 2 years for you to be conceived.   After 6 months of not getting pregnant, my doctor, Dr. Atkins, started to run some tests.  For the next 12 months I had to do blood tests every 30 days, was on a countless number of prescription and drug combinations, and was eventually told "We don't know what's wrong, and don't know why you can't have a baby"  I was so heartbroken, but your daddy and I had faith that if we were meant to be parents, the Lord would provide.

It was a Friday night, August 20, 2010, when I found out I was pregnant.  I was in complete disbelief, joy, and shock all at the same time.  There was no explanation on how I had gotten pregnant and even our doctor was surprised when he received the phone call.  You, were literally, a miracle.

At our 24 week sonogram, Dr. Atkins discovered that you only had 2 blood vessels in your umbilical cord...you were supposed to have 3.  He explained that this type of situation could result in a deformity, low birth weight, or no abnormality at all.  I can't explain the fear I felt but it was completely replaced with peace as your daddy and I began to pray over you.  The day you were born they said that you, my little miracle baby, were perfect - all 7 lbs and 13 oz of you - perfect!  God, again, had made you a perfect miracle.

I tell you these things for one reason:  so that you will know how wanted, how cherished, and how loved you are.  You are a miracle, a treasure, a joy and the light of my life.  God, and God alone, created you and it is my honor to get to be your mother. 

Sweetest Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day - a day that I have dreamed of celebrating for so many years and today my dreams came true. But for me, Mother's Day was also a day for me to reflect on the past 2 1/2 years of my journey to become a mother. It may have been a long journey, but it is a road I would gladly travel again.

Not long after I found out I was pregnant, a young, single girl at my office also found out that she was pregnant. She got pregnant from a drunken one night stand from a man that she had just met that night. I was asked by one of my co-workers if it made me sick to think about how easily she had gotten pregnant when it took me so long. At first I wanted to say "yes", but the truth is that I wouldn't change a thing about the path we traveled.

There was a reason for my journey. The past 2 1/2 years, my knees have become callused and bruised, but I know my Father more know than I did before. My eyes may have been swollen from tears, but I have seen the Lord at work. My heart may have hurt with yearning for a child, but today my heart overflows with joy at His blessings. I wouldn't trade any of these things for an "easy" fertility story. My eyes have seen the Lord work a MIRACLE and that alone was worth it.

This sweet baby girl was worth it!

(photograph taken by Reflections by Amanda Rooney)

My first Mother's Day was a day of reflection, a day of gratitude and a day of prayer. It was a day when Brant and I dedicated our child to the Lord and dedicated ourselves to raising our daughter in a Godly way. Mother's Day was a day of celebrating all He has done!

17 Week Highlights

As of today, Baby W is a full 17 weeks along. Here are some of the highlights.

Size of the baby: Baby W is the size of a turnip (5" long and weighs 5 ounces)
Total weight loss/gain: 2 lbs.
Maternity clothes: Just tops. Most of my pants still fit with the help of the belly band, but I did have to go to a few maternity tops.
Gender: We find out on November 23rd, only 7 more days!!!!
Movement: Some - I don't feel many kicks or punches, but I definitely feel the little flips and swimming around - literally like flutters!
Sleep: This week I have been really tired, but I'm sleeping great at night.
What I miss: Not much yet!
Cravings: Salty and sour...like pickles! And yesterday, I was craving nachos!
Symptoms: Headaches...and a growing belly!
Fun Facts: Baby W can now hear sounds outside the womb, and the skeletal cartilage is now turning into bone.

This week, several ladies that have struggled with infertility like I did have really been on my heart. I so vividly remember the days where I just wanted to cry, or when I literally had to rely completely on the Lord for joy and strength. If you have a moment, pray for the ones you know struggling. Our God is a God of mercy and miracles - I have seen Him work one in me! I pray that these women find JOY in HIM! That they rely on His truth and promises everyday.

We're Soon to Be...

So many have prayed us through the past 2 years;
Through struggles and trials, heartaches and tears;

We've had good days and bad days, toils and snares;
But God has been faithful and answered our prayers;

Our hearts are blessed, filled with wonder and glee;
The Williams family of 2 will soon become 3!!!

Brant and I are so excited about this little one who will make their debut in April, 2011. We are in awe of the Lord right now. He has been faithful every step of the way and we are simply in awe.

This is a picture of our first sonogram (at only 6w4d)...I am 8 weeks now) so there isn't much to see, but it still amazes us every time we look at it.
On the day this sonogram was taken, we were able to hear the sweetest heartbeat...it was literally music to our ears. This little heart was beating strong at 114 beat/minute and the dr. says that everything looks fantastic!

For those of you who already know and have asked, I am feeling pretty good. I had a stomach bug last week that was not fun, but once it passed, things have been good ever since. I have a little bit of nausea every now and then, have no appetite and nothing ever sounds good to eat...but don't worry, I'm forcing it down anyways.

To those who have been so fervently praying for us, words cannot express what your prayers have meant. For the past 2 years, they have kept us going. Saying "thank you" just doesn't seem like enough; but I say with all of my heart...Thank you, thank you, thank you!

God has been so Good...

Actually, God has been so Great!

Two years ago, if you would have told me that my body was going to have a horrible reaction to birth control and that it would cause me to not ovulate for over a year, and that I would TTC (try to conceive) for over 20 months with no success, and the my doctors and nurses really didn't have a good understanding of why my body was reacting this way...I would have told you that you were crazy.

But in the past two years, this is exactly what has happened.

Two years ago, I didn't have a problem with infertility, mainly because I wasn't even trying to get pregnant. My friends and the people I surrounded myself with were just like me. I didn't really know people who had struggled with infertility and it wasn't a subject that was frequently talked about it my world. Two years ago, God also knew what was coming.

Last week, I posted about fate. If God has everything planned out and if He is the author of "fate", then isn't "fate" just God's plan? The past few weeks, I have seen things happen that some people would just call "fate", but I call it seeing the work of God, My Father, right before my very eyes.

When God wrote my story and planned my battle with infertility, He knew that I would need a support system. Not just the support of my husband and family, but a team of women who understood the battle, the emotions, the frustration, and the struggle. Little did I know that He was already putting that team together, just for me.

I met Ashley, the sister of a dear friend of ours who struggled with infertility. After a successful IVF, she has a precious little boy names Court, and then conceived (on her own) another little boy named Beckham. Ashley has a great lifeline for me. I have emailed her and she has been a rock for me to lean on when I question my emotions and sadness. She had given me books and devotionals, she has opened up her heart to me, and let me into her struggle.

Then there was Kelly Stamps, just a blog I used to read, who has now become a prayer warrior for me. Kelly struggled for three years before she conceived her baby girl, Harper, and now she has developed an incredible ministry praying for women who struggle with infertility.

Through an email I received from Kelly this week, I was introduced to several other ladies (and fellow bloggers) who are walking in my shoes, and I am walking in theirs. We have emailed, and exchanged blog addresses and so on. We are a cloud of witnesses for each other, earnestly praying for one another for the struggles, and the victories.

God knew two years ago that I would need each of these women. He knew that I would need people just to talk to, just to cry with, to pray for and pray with. HE KNEW! It amazes me that He perfectly created a support team of women to lift me when I didn't even know I would need it.

Although the battle is still raging, He has been GREAT! He has been faithful and He has provided what we have needed.



If you want to understand a little more about the emotions and battle surrounding infertility, Amy wrote an amazing post about it just the other day. If you are struggling with infertility, or know someone who is, I encourage you to read this.

Great News

So if you follow me on Twitter, then you probably saw this post: "Great News...blood work from yesterday came back and were at "acceptable" levels for the first time, ever! YEA!!!!!!!!!!"

Just to elaborate a bit, I had some blood work done on Monday to look at my hormone levels. In our struggle with infertility, my hormone levels have been the MAIN ISSUE! Any woman who has ever struggled with infertility will understand this.

I have been doing blood work every few months for the past 20 months. Now, the normal hormone level for an ovulating woman is 10 to 12. I have NEVER been above a 0.32! That's less than a man (a typical man has 2 to 3...I didn't even have a 1!).

But yesterday, my levels came back at an 8! This is huge victory and my doctor was thrilled with this level. Although they would still like to see it come up some more, an 8 is the best we've had yet!!!!!

I guess we'll wait and see what the Lord has in store!!!

Is it Fate?

Have you ever wondered about fate? Is fate simply God's plan? I was raised in a home to believe that God's plan is sovereign and that, although we are given the power to make choices, He knows what our choices will be and He plans our every step. So the past week or so, I have been wondering about His plan...and whether or not he is trying to tell me something.

This morning, I had to go get new tires on my car. I sat down to wait the expected hour and began reading my book, but the sun was blaring into my eyes. So, I simply moved to the other side of the waiting area and began reading again. I ended up sitting next to a very nice man and we ended up in a very interesting conversation about....adoption.

This man and his wife pastor a small church in town and are currently in the process of adopting their 7th child! During the conversation, it came up that Brant and I did not have any children but desperately desired some. He asked me if we had thought about adoption and I answered yes, that adoption had been a topic discussed in our house more and more lately. The man then asked me if I had looked into adoption through CPS, and I said that yes, we actually had talked about it. The man's car was then ready, so he left. Then my car was ready about 10 minutes later, and I left. On my way to work, a good 7 or 8 miles away from Discount Tire, I stopped to fill up with gas...and my new adoptive friend just happened to be at that gas station, too. We talked some more.

Two nights ago, I actually had a dream about a little girl named Mia. She was a precious 9 month old baby when I met her and she had been born through a surrogate mother. She had beautiful olive colored skin and precious dark brown curly hair. And my dream was that I was introducing her to all of my friends as my new, baby girl. We had adopted her.

Last week, I read on my friend Janelle's blog that her and her husband, Heath, are beginning the process to become foster/adoptive parents. Our friends Corey and Andy are looking into this possibility as well.

Several months ago, right after Brant and I found out that we get to go to Hawaii, I had a dream that was so real to me that I woke up believing it. I dreamed that we were in Hawaii, but we had a precious little blond haired, blue eyed, 2 year little boy with us...and he was our adopted son. The dream was so real to me that I woke up and actually got out of bed to walk into the guest bedroom, which will one day be the nursery. I was saddened to find that it was still the guestroom.

For 20 months now, Brant and I have wanted and tried to have a child. We have talked about adoption, but I never wanted to go forward because I never felt a peace about it...I felt like I would be adopting a child just to satisfy our desire to be parents, not because it was the Lord's plan. But now God really has me on my knees about it.

So now I'm wondering, are these dreams and meeting strange people just acts of God? Is fate all apart of God's plan?

Anointed, Transformed, and Redeemed

The past few months, I have been involved in a Bible Study on Anointed, Transformed and Redeemed. This amazing study is on the life, the anointing, the sin, and the greatness of David, a man after God's own heart.

Toward the beginning of the study, one of the days of homework, the question was asked what journey we were on that we never thought we would have to travel. It was that night that I finally opened up to these ladies about our struggle to have a baby, because you see, this is a road that I never thought I would travel. Last night was our final session and we talked about the greatest impact that the study had had on our lives. And what I was able to share is simply this:

David was anointed by God at a young age - there were roads that he had to travel in order to become the great king that God ordained him to be. He sinned - he stumbled - he failed - but God was always faithful and His plan WAS perfect.

I think this had such an impact on me simply because I have gotten to the point where I remind myself daily that His plan is perfect...his timing is not my own.

I was emailing with Ashley the other day - she is the sister-in-law of a dear friend who has also gone through the battle of infertility, but now has two precious little boys. And I was explaining to Ashley in my email that the longer this battle goes on, the more and more frequent the "bad" days seems to come. At first, I would only get emotional and break down maybe once every 3-4 months...but now it almost seems as if its one every week. So I was worried that I was being ridiculous...but she assured me I wasn't...I was simply being a woman. I am to the point where I fully trust God's plan, but I just pray that he could make my life a movie and give me just a glimpse of the future...just let me push the fast-forward button so that I know what is to come and I can look forward to that day.

You see, in the past few months, I have struggled with wondering if my problems with infertility were punishment for past sins - I have been battling Satan on a daily basis with one. But then I remember David - he waited so long to king and all roads traveled to get to that point were so important. He sinned too! So maybe I am on this road for a reason far greater than I realize. Maybe God is opening door that I don't even know about...maybe its for a greater purpose.

Then today, I was reading Caroline's blog. I had the joy of going to DBU and actually having a few classes with Caroline and I must tell you that I have never met a young woman as true and faithful to the Lord than Caroline Hughes. Well today, she posted a video and it was of herself sharing some of the things that she had recently learned and by the end of the video I was in tears. You see, Caroline made one statement that struck my heart with such conviction - "What if my loss is all for glory's gain?" And this statement had me on my knees - and yes, while I was at work! But on my knees because she made me ask myself - if I could never be a mother but was chosen for something else, would I be ok with that? Would I be ok if God made me barren but gained glory from it?

If you have a moment, go watch Caroline's video here. I hope that your heart is spoken to just like mine was. What if your loss was glory's gain? Would you be okay with it?

And just for the record, I have an amazing husband who lets me have all the meltdowns I need to - who hold me and comforts me and lovingly reminds me that God's plan is better than ours. So my prayer today is simply that I will be still and wait on the Lord - I pray that He gains all the glory in whatever plan he has for me, for Brant, and our family.