Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Anointed, Transformed, and Redeemed

The past few months, I have been involved in a Bible Study on Anointed, Transformed and Redeemed. This amazing study is on the life, the anointing, the sin, and the greatness of David, a man after God's own heart.

Toward the beginning of the study, one of the days of homework, the question was asked what journey we were on that we never thought we would have to travel. It was that night that I finally opened up to these ladies about our struggle to have a baby, because you see, this is a road that I never thought I would travel. Last night was our final session and we talked about the greatest impact that the study had had on our lives. And what I was able to share is simply this:
David was anointed by God at a young age - there were roads that he had to travel in order to become the great king that God ordained him to be. He sinned - he stumbled - he failed - but God was always faithful and His plan WAS perfect.

I think this had such an impact on me simply because I have gotten to the point where I remind myself daily that His plan is perfect...his timing is not my own.

I was emailing with Ashley the other day - she is the sister-in-law of a dear friend who has also gone through the battle of infertility, but now has two precious little boys. And I was explaining to Ashley in my email that the longer this battle goes on, the more and more frequent the "bad" days seems to come. At first, I would only get emotional and break down maybe once every 3-4 months...but now it almost seems as if its one every week. So I was worried that I was being ridiculous...but she assured me I wasn't...I was simply being a woman. I am to the point where I fully trust God's plan, but I just pray that he could make my life a movie and give me just a glimpse of the future...just let me push the fast-forward button so that I know what is to come and I can look forward to that day.

You see, in the past few months, I have struggled with wondering if my problems with infertility were punishment for past sins - I have been battling Satan on a daily basis with one. But then I remember David - he waited so long to king and all roads traveled to get to that point were so important. He sinned too! So maybe I am on this road for a reason far greater than I realize. Maybe God is opening door that I don't even know about...maybe its for a greater purpose.

Then today, I was reading Caroline's blog. I had the joy of going to DBU and actually having a few classes with Caroline and I must tell you that I have never met a young woman as true and faithful to the Lord than Caroline Hughes. Well today, she posted a video and it was of herself sharing some of the things that she had recently learned and by the end of the video I was in tears. You see, Caroline made one statement that struck my heart with such conviction - "What if my loss is all for glory's gain?" And this statement had me on my knees - and yes, while I was at work! But on my knees because she made me ask myself - if I could never be a mother but was chosen for something else, would I be ok with that? Would I be ok if God made me barren but gained glory from it?

If you have a moment, go watch Caroline's video here. I hope that your heart is spoken to just like mine was. What if your loss was glory's gain? Would you be okay with it?

And just for the record, I have an amazing husband who lets me have all the meltdowns I need to - who hold me and comforts me and lovingly reminds me that God's plan is better than ours. So my prayer today is simply that I will be still and wait on the Lord - I pray that He gains all the glory in whatever plan he has for me, for Brant, and our family.


The Ward Family said...

Ashley, thank you for sharing your heart and being so open. It's refreshing to hear we all don't have it figured out and we don't live in these cookie cutter molds. The Lord is already using you. Keep going. It's all for His glory and our benefit.
It was great seeing you on Sunday. Sorry, we really didn't get to talk. Hope to see you soon.
Your Friend,

C:M:W said...

great post ash!!!! The Wetherells love the Williams and will continue to pray for your journey

mattandlinz said...

We're praying for you guys!! I can't imagine how hard this must be but God has a plan for you and it is GOOD!

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