Thursday, January 17, 2008

All My Emotions

So yesterday was the day from Heaven, and from Haties. I went from up, to down, to up, to down, and none of was because Brant was gone! The day started off well. I dyed my hair back to its natural color (which is a light, ash brown) on Tuesday - all by myself ladies! So when I woke up and re-washed it, I was quite happy with way it turned out. That was an up! Then, I really started feeling sick throughout the day - you know, that cold and stuffy feeling, do that was a down. Since we got married, Brant and I have kept separate health insurances (through out respective companies) but I began to compare the two and decided that his has much better benefits for almost the same cost that I pay for my "crap" insurance now, so that was an up! At 5:30, I had a hair appointment to chop all my hair off. It had really gotten long since the wedding 6 months ago, and I really do love it short. So I decided that my husband would come home to a new wife...with dark short hair instead of blond long hair. Then came the biggest down of all, my Buddy.

Buddy was my dog since high school - he was actually a mistake. My family and I have adopted a dog named Bandit from Pet Rescue. But Bandit was scared to death of storms and thunder. He would actually get under the covers of someones bed if it began to storm. One day I was outside getting the mail when it was beginning to get stormy - no rain yet, but there was thunder. Bandit was outside with me and when he heard the thunder, he ran....away from my house! We searched for days and never found him, so we put up signs all over the neighborhood and at the local grocery store. About a week later, we got a surprising phone call that someone had found Bandit. When she found him, he was very sick and she had taken him to the vet to get better, but she saw our signs and we went to pick up Bandit. After having him home for a few hours, we began to realize that this might not be the same dog, so we compared pictures and we were right...this was not Bandit! So, we put up "Found Dog" signs, and we searched neighborhoods for "Lost Dog" signs, but saw nothing. So we kept this dog, and called him Buddy.

Buddy really became "my" dog after we got him...he slept on my bed, went places with me, and was my baby through college and well after. But my family and I knew Buddy was getting pretty sick and I honestly did not expect him to live past my wedding, but he did. He even made it into my parents new house by the lake. But last night, we finally had to put Buddy to sleep. He had been so sick for so long, and had lost over half of his weight in the past few months, so we knew it was time. So after my hair appointment, I went and said "Goodbye" to my sweet Buddy. It was much harder than I thought it would be, but I KNOW it was the right thing to do.

One huge realization came from yesterday though: God really does have a purpose for everything. What do I mean? Dax! Dax has become my sweet baby and last night, I was able to say goodbye to Buddy knowing that I now have another sweet pup to love just like I have "the Buddster". The Lord knew exactly what was going to happen, and exactly what I needed before I ever did. There is no doubt in my mind that yesterday would have been 10 times harder if I didn't have a sweet pup to go home to and play with, a boy that I get to look forward to having for many, many years to come. God knew, and made sure that I was taken care of.

So my emotions for the day: happiness for my hair, excitement for my hew 'do, sadness and mourning for my Buddy, but amazement at my God.

Much Love,


Caroline said...

Hi Ashley,

I found your blog a couple of weeks ago from corey's. I wanted you to know that I love hearing you talk about the realness of morning harder to do your quiet weight gain. Thanks for sharing with us! It makes me laugh

Janelle & Ella said...

This post got me a little teary eyed! It was bringing back the memory of me having to say goodbye to the dog I had almost my whole life. It can be so hard.

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