Wednesday, July 6, 2011

When You Don't Know What to Say

Have you ever been in a situation where you just didn't know what to say? I feel like that is the title of this chapter in my life right now - Shut Your Mouth, or Insert Your Foot!

There have been times lately where I will see someone who I know is hurting or going through a dark place in life, but I find it so hard to speak to them in fear that I might say something wrong. What if I bring back the pain of losing a loved one; or what if I spur on the tears of sorrow? The hard part for me is that I am talker. I love to encourage people and make them feel good, but what if you have no clue how to encourage them?

My parents have good friends that recently lost their youngest son at the age of 20. We saw them on Monday to watch fireworks at my parents house. What do I say to these grieving parents as I "ohh and ahh" over my sweet child?

At my office, there is a girl named...well, let's just call her "S". S and I were pregnant at the same time; she was due just a month after I was. S is a single girl in her mid 20's - no boyfriend, lives alone - but made some bad choices one night that changed the rest of her life. Almost immediately after finding out that she was pregnant after a one-night stand, she decided that she would give her baby up for adoption. Although I could never fathom giving up my child, I also had tremendous admiration for her and her ability to know that by giving up this child, they would be raised in a world far better than what she could supply.

We used to talk and compare our pregnancies all the time. It was just the status quo between us - it was also the only topic we ever talked about because she and I have nothing else in common. S had hoped that she would have a fast, easy delivery and would then get back to life, or at least try her hardest to resume life as she knew it. But that didn't happen for her. She spent 36 miserable hours in labor, ended up having an emergency c-section, and was sent home to recuperate without her daughter. All the while I was at home having the time of life with Emmalee after a very fast and easy delivery.

S came back to work just one week after I did although she had only been out 5 weeks and I was out 8. Today, we see each other walk down the hall and smile. We might say "Hi", but that is the extent of our conversation. I feel horrible because we used to talk and conversate, but today we just seem to be polite. The problem is...I don't know what to say. Does she even want me to say anything at all? Does she think of her daughter when she sees me? Do her heart ache when she looks down to see her flat tummy? I don't know, and I'm too afraid to ask.

So as of now, I simply pray because its all I know to do. I pray for John and Sharon as their grieve the loss of their son. I pray for S because I hope that she is comforted and that her heart is lifted even when the tears stream down her face. I pray because I know our God is bigger and our God is stronger...for if He is for us, then who can stand against us?

1 comment:

Paige said...

This is such a deep and truthful posts in which I think we can all relate too. Recently at my wedding my best friend from high school that was killed in a car accident, parent's where there and left immediately with only a wave to me. I did have her picture on my in memory of table, but I was not even sure the words that I could say. Because I to know that they wish they could see her walking down the aisle. It breaks my heart for these families. Sometimes praying for them is honestly what is best.
I think that you and S do have a lot more in common, and she may have something (guilt or etc) that is holding her back from speaking to you as well. Hopefully these situations will get easier for everyone involved.

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